Spongebob Director's Cut Series
by Black Shy Guy
Summary: See what goes on in Bikini Bottom that Nickelodeon's whiny goons would never show you! Violence, drug use, and swearing present. Now with the official Part Four: The Real Deal! ZOMG R&R!11!
1. Chapter 1: The First Blunts, Part 1

It was a bright day down in Bikini Bottom. Scallops chirped and jellyfish buzzed. The green algae lay there moving about as footsteps crossed through. It was that wierd Spongebob guy, overwhelmed with delight at what the day may bring. He sniffed the air and smiled.

"Gee, just THINK of the fun I can have today with my pals"

Just then, the pink, fat starfish Patrick popped out of the sand with a dish full of assorted items.

"Hey, Spongebob! Look what I found!" He showed Sponge what he had - drugs. Of all kinds. Blunts, bongs, meth, cigarettes, tabacco gum, and all sorts of PCPs, LSDs, and shrooms. "It's from Squid's house. He calls it his 'relief'." Pat then beamed. "YOU HAVE TO TRY SOME"

Spongebob took some ectasty and put it in his mouth.

"Mmm...tasty"

He then stared into space, before a HUGE wave of fuckedupness took over. Then, he went totally crazy. So did Patrick. They began to smoke, cew on blutns, and basically fumble around doing all kinds of drugs in all kinds of ways.

Eventually, they got to Sandy's treedome. Sandy looked as if Patrick had introduced the drugs to her, swaggering towards the yellow cube and handing him an acorn full of liquid.

"Hey, Sandy," said Spongebob. "What's this shit?"

Sandy's right eye popped open and she laughed. "Some hard-ass freakin vodka! Texas style"

Immediately, Spongebob took a hose of the vodka and poured it into Pat's gaping mouth, making him VERY drunk.

Later, at the Krusty Krab, Sponge stared out into space, when.

"Hey, Spongebob!" called Squidward. "Quit laughing at the table and start making Krabby Patties. And get some eyewash, or else the health inspector will boot us and I won't get my salery"

Spongebob stumbled to the back and began. First, he vomited some bread he had eaten, making nasty goo on it spread. Then, he took some raw patties, shit on them, and put them on the bread before smashing toppings and condaments around the room. He then looked at his prize - some VERY nasty burgers. Sponge then stumbled to the customer, but slipped and threw the patty away.

"Whoops! Let me do it again"

He then fucked up nonstop, pouring tequilla on one burger, pissing on another, stomping on a thrid, and sticking cannabis in a fourth. A dozen fucked up Patties appeared, and the customers retched and began to leave at what was there. This made the cheap owner, Mr. Krabs, angry.

"Spongebob, what's the meaning of this mess? Get the anchors out of your pants and quit goofing off"

"Well...well..why don't you just go and FUCK OFF"

Krabs did not expect this and was in shock. "WHAAT? Do my ears decive me!" Spongebob then ran to the door, but kept bumping into it from the drugs. Krabs then grabbed him with his right claw and turned him back.

"What's the meaning of this?" he asked again.

"Mr. Krabs... I... I"

"Morons," said Squidward.

"WWAAAHHH!" cried Spongebob.

"No, no, boy, don't cry. Why not take the rest of the day off?" Spongebob felt good. Mr. Krabs then let him stand. "Nothing to see here, Folks!" That's when Sponge tipped over frm a relapse. But he'd survive...


	2. Chapter 2: The First Blunts, Part 2

CH 2 - The First Blunt, Part 2

A/N: The fun continues!

Later, Patrick bumped into his friend again, looking stoned off his ass. "Yo, Sponge Get back on the drugs with me!"

They then began to get fucked up again, with the sky soon getting thick with marijuana smoke, the surroundings wrought by their antics. Sponge had one thing to say, but Pat was so high that he could barely hear straight.

"This is the best shit, ever, Patrick."

"Um..." he bellowed. "Did you just call me a nigga?"

"NO! Why would you think that?"

"Oh. ...So I'm not good enough to be your nigga, huh!"

"No, of course you can be my nigga!"

"AHA!" Pat's loud voice made Spongebob fall on his back into the sand. "You DID call me a nigga!"

"No, no wait!"

Spongebob expected his friend to strike him. That's when the wrought starfish grabbed a random fish from out of nowehre and began to stomp on his head, back, chest, and belly. The fish was instantly pulverized.

"I'll teach you what happens when you call me things!" Pat bellowed, his eyes bulging.

"AAHH! GOD NOOO!" The fish screamed as blood filled the oceanic area.

"Um, Pat?" said Spongebob. "That's...not me... I'm over here. I think you're too high to see straight."

Patrick then looked at the mutilated fish and kicked it away, before happily turning to his best pal.

"Let's just go Jellyfish licking then!"

The two then ran into the grassy Jellyfish Fields - tons of these bee-like ccreatures were grabed and licked. The toxins and electric currents sent into Spongebob and Patrick were enough to get them VERY high.

Later, Patrick was laying on the ground, passed out. But he was a tough, old starfish, and even after being wasted good, he was back up on his feet.

"That was great shit, huh, Sponge?" But he did not see his yellow friend there. Or anywhere. He began to look around. "Sponge? Spongebob! Where are you?" He then started to get nervous. "COME OUT, SPONGEBOB. THIS ISN'T FUNNY!" A thousand thoughts that lasted less than a microsecond amazingly sprung into Pat's head as he looked for Sponge - what if something terrible happened to him?

That's when he saw Spongebob laying face-first on the ground beneath a steep, 30-foot-cliff. Pat was heartbroken. His friend was dead. All he could do was stare...then cry...then...

"NNOOOOOOOOOOO!" The cry was so loud and deep that it shook the entire seafloor. Jelyfish flew off in terror and nearby buildings developed cracks.

Squidward walked into his room atop the second floor of his Easter Island Head house. But he did not expect to see Patrick sitting on the bed there, his face turned away from him and the world. He did not move or seem to breathe.

"Oh, it's YOU," Squid said, expecting this abnormal behavior. "Didn't expect to see YOU here, Patrick. I see you've been in my medicine cabinet and then some." He paused to see if Pat woud speak.

Nothing.

"But I DID here about what went on. How you feeling?"

Patrick finally spoke, but did not move an inch. "I'm feeling...pretty FUCKED UP if you ask me." That's all he said. Squidward was now feeling unease and waited for more.

Nothing.

Finally, he spoke again. "Uh...oh. Sorry about what happened to Spongebob."

Something in Pat had snapped. At first, it wasn't apparent, as he simply said quietly... "Sponge...bob...?" Squidward looked puzzled, when suddenly PAT CRANED HIS NECK AROUND AT 180 DEGREES TO DIRECTLY FACE SQUIDWARD. He then slowly shoo kand sputtered, his eyes wide and veiny, direct, and focused, his mouth now full of dripping, rabid saliva and sharp ass teeth. He then ROARED so loud that his mouth contorted extremely wide, looking something like THIS.

"SPONGE...BOOOOBB! SPPPPOOOOONNGEEBBOOOOOOBBB?"

Pat then ROARED as his body changed. His fat moved up to his center, and his mouth moved down to it. His eyes vanished and his shorts split off, with Squidward shocked and shitting himself as Pat became - an everyday, predatory starfish! He lunged at Squid, mouth at center, and then pounced him as a starfish would a sea urchin - Squidward SCREAMED as rhe mauling began!

"Aaaaahhh! Mmmbleegluh!"

An hour later, Pat had left. The room was trashed, as was Squidward, who lay on the floor in a pile of his own blood. His head was smashed open, an eye poked badly, with his nose, a hand, and two of his legs detatched. He wasn't dead, but would remember this forever. Pat was just out of the door, steaming in anger, now returning to his normal self. That's when he heard someone calling.

"Patrick?"

Pat turned around and gasped - there was Spongebob! Not an angel, a ghost, nor a phantasm or even an acid trip. He was there, and Pat knew it!

"Spongebob, how are you here?" Pat had returned to normal. "I thought you had DIED!"

"Daaaaaahh! I wasn't dead...I just had an OVERDOSE!" Sponge and Pat then looked at the destroyed Squidward. "Look at what you did to Squid!"

The two began to laugh and giggle at Squidward. He would have given then the finger if he could.

Oh how he wanted to.


	3. Chapter 3: Smoke This!

Alright, Humans, here is chapter two of the story, which should be more descriptive of the situation! Please note that this pert is inspired by the Spongebong Hemppants Series (go to or something to see them; the three flicks are hilarious) which I had no idea of when I made the first chapter (I wrote it a long time ago) and the Pac-Man Pizza flash on Watch that first on this page, http/ before coming here!

Oh, and as far as the news that Chappelle's Show is done via Charley Murphy, well that sucks.

--

CHAPTER 2

It is easy for morals to be taught. The ever-so-happy-go-lucky being known as Spongebob, who was very naïve, and yet so respectful of authority, was an example of morals being displaced on a person.

Well, if morals could be taught, they could be untaught.

His gray octopus neighbor, Squidward, was so pestered by Spongebob and his fat, even more naïve and dim-witted starfish friend Patrick, and their antics, that he couldn't take it anymore. The high-pitched giggling at night, the guttural guffawing every morning, and the incessant sounds of fooling around and nonsense were a distraction to his flawed attempts at creating art and playing the clarinet. At work at the Krusty Krab fast food area, Squidward's boring, blue-collared job became nightmarish when Spongebob came to work. This had been going on for nearly 30 months, is not years, and Squidward had enough. He was close to killing himself, but decided to drink and get high instead to wash away his miseries. This was only a slight relief that brought him down further.

When Patrick found his way to Squidward's room, his curiosity helped him find the drugs, and he began doing them as well. As he enjoyed himself, he gave some to Spongebob, since best friends shared everything. And that's where we left off, with Squidward almost killed by Pat's rage when he thought Spongebob had died from overdose.

But it did not end there, and the spread of weed in Bikini Bottom was like a wildfire. Fast, inexorable, and dangerously strong.

"Are you ready, Kids?" yelled the pirate painting, a joint firmly in his mouth. "Ooooohhh…" the painting coughed a bit, then decided, "Ah, screw it!"

At the Tree Dome, Sandy the Squirrel, who was with Patrick and Spongebob, had just passed out from smoking too much. Pat and Sponge, using the moisture of the morning dew in there to live on the dry land within, were indeed close to being knocked out as well.

"This is good stuff, huh?" Patrick said, his eyes rolling around.

"YYyep!" squeaked Spongebob, his hand inching to a box that contained hash. "Now let's roll up another nice, fat bl-" He found out that there was nothing in there. "Oh no! Patrick, we're out of SEAWEED!"

"NOOOOOO!" yelled Patrick and Spongebob in unison. Spongebob's nervous laughter echoes afterwards.

Spongebob suddenly remembered… "Hey, wait! Patrick, you know we can always…get more, right!"

"Good idea! To the Coral REEF!"

The two then started walking…but passed out. Things went black, the two blinking and trying to wake up. But sleep got them, and they would be out like faded light bulbs for the day's better half. 

By the time they awoke, it was sunset. The red glow of a setting sun was already shading over to purple, the last of the day's light fading…The two slowly woke up, and headed out as they planned, to the Coral Reef.

There, they would find the tall, idol-like rapper, infamous and with short dreadlocks and an unmistakably mellowed out voice. This was Snoop Dogg, who had found a way to go under water with no troubles and was dealing to any fish who were interested. Money was money, and maybe a pearl or two could be exchanged for some "gold teef" as they called them. That's when he saw Spongebob and Patrick, hung over, but ready to get high.

"Yo, the two guys, what you need?", said the self-proclaimed Big Boss Dogg, sort of recognizing them from their interminable list of memorabilia. "Well, then holla at ya boy!"

"Hi, Snoop Dogg," greeted Spongebob. "We'd like one sack of sea-weed, please!"

"Well first, show me some mizzle and I'll gizzle yizzle this shizzle, okay?"

"Uh, hold on…" Patrick looked on, a glazed look in his eyes as Spongebob fished around his pants pocket and pulled out one of the Krabby Patties he had made while high. The bread was soggy, and the condiments were spoilt, the patty inside turned gray from age. "Here ya go!"

Retaining his cool, Snoop shook his head. "That's some JUNK right there, Dawg. I'm sorry, but you ain't gonna get nothing wif dat."

"Oh no!" Spongebob was out of ideas. 

Suddenly, Patrick brightened up. A light bulb appeared above his head, barely on, toting a strange, green light. "I have an idea!"

"Cool!"

As night fell, the two snuck by the Krusty Krab, tip-toeing around the area. Since the place was closed, Mr. Krabs was around, eyeing the inside of the store like a hawk, watching out for anyone who would try to steal his precious Krabby Patty formula. The place was already somewhat disgraced when Spongebob's drug habit got the best of him at work. The two had to be careful, sneaking to Krab's boat/car. A crash was heard, and Patrick had just broken through the windshield for no reason when he could have just jumped in, grabbing something.

"Are you sure this is a good idea, Patrick?", the yellow sponge worried.

Patrick tore out the car radio. It looked very expensive. "Sure! Now we can trade this stolen stereo for some weed, and more! Plus, you know how much rappers LOVE to have stereos more expensive than the rest of their cars! I do it all the time!"

"Yaaaay!" yelled Spongebob, happy at such a good idea. But their loud noises had attracted attention from Mr. Krabs, who scampered out to see them stealing from him.

"Hey! What are you two bottom feeders doin' to me boat!" Mr. Krab gasped. "That's me stereo!"

"AAHH!" the others screamed in unison. "It's Mr. Krack, I mean KRABS!"

The two bolted of, screaming, and ran with Mr. Krabs in hot pursuit. He ran back to his boat and started it up.

"That's me stereo! It's stolen goods, and I'm stealin' it back, ye gots that, Lads!"

The two realized there would be no escape. That was when Spongebob found his Patty-mobile, a car shaped like a gigantic cheeseburger, the one from the movie. They immediately got into it, and Spongebob took the wheel. It sped off, fishtailing and zig-zagging around at high speeds.

"Hey, Spongebob, how do you suddenly know how to drive?"

Spongbob's eyes were fixed in one direction, wide and unblinking. "I think it's the adrenaline from last night's LSD! Oh, I can't see right!"

Spongebob's vision was corrupted. It was an acid trip of nightmarish proportions. Colors swirled around and green gorillas that seemed to be floating there glowed and stomped towards our perspective, chattering and going "Ooh-ooh-ohh!" Spongebob continued speeding along, rock music blaring from the radio. Squidward was walking along at night peacefully, humming a tune. He didn't notice the Pattymobile headed for him. BOOM! It sent him flying into the air, Spongebob and Patrick too high to notice.

"AHH! SPONGEBOOBB!" yelled the octopus as he soared a great arc, falling over a nearby cliff. When he landed, a tremendous and inexplicable explosion occurred. 

That was when the Pattymobile swerved around, until it did a 180 and was headed straight for Mr. Krab's boat as it pursued! He was too close to turn, and nearly pissed his pants screaming. KABOOM, the Pattymobile struck, sending both the boat and Mr. Krabs flying, smashing through wood and machinery. Patrick laughed loudly, Spongebob drooling in the middle of his delusions. 

They soon found their way back to the Coral Reef, where Snoop Dogg was waiting. Spongebob ran up to him with the stolen stereo in hands, and began to yell very quickly in a high babble.

"Hey, Mr! CanwegetanythingforthisCD-DVD-mp3-playerwithover33000colorGMPdisplay,canwegetasackofweedforthis,huhuhuh!"

"Ummm…" Snoop thought for a second, then… "HEYLL YEAH!"

"Thank you-OOF!" A GIANT bag of weed and other drugs was handed to Spongebob. Patrick helped him lift it, and the two ran off into the night, laughing like hyenas.  
At that night, they were partying in Jellyfish Fields, with buzzing, purple jellyfish buzzing around. Scallops, which equal birds in the world of Spongebob, were everywhere. Some of these local animals were given blunts and fatties, joining the two friends as they got really high. The Scallops were crapping the place up, pooping out white stuff everywhere, particularly on Patrick's pointy head.

"These scallops sure poop on us a lot!"

"Hey, Spongebob, why are we jellyfishing now?"

They stumbled to their feet, and staggered around. When Patrick tripped on a jellyfish that had passed out from drug use, he crashed into Spongebob and the two went tumbling down a ravine, crashing on the ground as they descended, laughing all the way!

That morning, Spongebob was at his pineapple house, making breakfast by frying a bicycle on a pan. He then stumbled his way to boating school after snorting some coke through his pointy nose, and was soon screwing up badly. His obese blowfish driver, Mrs. Puff, screamed a high-pitched howl of fear as Spongebob was on a particularly bad (even for him) driving trial. This was by far not the first time he failed, but it was very, very bad driving and chaotic. An overhead perspective showed many crashes happening.

"AAH! Spongebob, you're doing even worse these days than ever-YAAA!"

She screamed when she a wall getting close and closer. Spongebob laughed as the gap between them and the wall closed, and tried to turn - a delayed reaction. BOOM! A tremendous crash rocked the boating area, the brick wall destroyed, dust kicking up, a tower being knocked over and glass shattering.

"My legs!" screamed an anonymous fish in the area. 

Mrs. Puff was dazed and scared in the boat as it stood there, smashed up. She puffed to a large size automatically, and bellowed in an unusual voice, "SPONGEBOOWWB…WHAAYYY…?"

She was cut off when Spongebob popped a blunt in her mouth. "Relax, 'Puff'," he said coolly as she puffed on the joint. "If you're interested, I gots a frat party goin down tonight."

That same day, Patrick, who was still covered in scallop feces unlike the cleaned Spongebob, stumbled his way to a pizza shop with a pizza on it that had a piece missing. It looked like Pac Man, and the place happened to be called "PAC MAN'S PIZZA SHOP UNDER THE SEA". Pat stumbled to the doors, his head now looking white…like a familiar sort of hood from a certain hate group (that I do not advocate, but find funny seeing as they try not to be) ;).

Inside, the round, yellow 'smile' face Pac Man groaned. He was not happy at all, seeing as customers underwater were just as bad as the humans he dealt with above the waves. And he sort of squinted his beady, black, doll-like eyes as he sniffed the area. This place was very much like dry land, and very strange. He could already smell the feces on the person advancing to the door, and groaned again. Patrick stumbled up in there and to the register.

"Eh, can I help you, Pal?" Pac Man asked in a sarcastic voice.

"Uuhhh…"

"Great, another Mongoloid. Let me guess, Tiny Tim. A small salad?"

"Uhh, can I get some, some pizza…with some mushrooms, and some…drugs?"

Pac Man expected this. "We don't serve drugs here, Pal. And holy shit, what's that shit all over your head? It smells, and you look like you're from the Ku Kl-"

"Uh, you got any drugs?"

"NO! That shit's illegal!" Patrick stood there, his eyes glazed, drooling. "Okay, we got some trippin mushrooms on the pizzas, but that's it, ya smelly freak!"

"Okay. Say, ya got any Whopper Juniors?"

Pac Man's patience was wearing dangerously thin. "Th-Those are from Burger King. Are you a fucking MORON!"

"Oh. Say, ya got any DRUGS?"

Pac Man fumed, then curled his lip up and snarled, whispering quickly before raising his voice. "He's shittin me…the FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? This is a PIZZA place, not the STREET! You fat, smelly, dick-headed piece a SHIT!"

Pat started to get mad at these insults, and grabbed a nearby, rusty anchor. "I don't need THIS!" he lifted it over his head and bashed Pac Man's top side with it, causing a clang noise.

"OOH! AGH!" Pac Man charged at Patrick and began to turn 2-D and make biting movements, going "Wakka-wakka-wakka-wakka!" Pat fell over and took some bites, groaning. The two struggled, and Patrick rose up, grabbing a cup of coffee and tossing it at Pac Man!

"FUCK YOU!" he yelled as he tossed it Pac Man's way! Pac Man tried to swerve away, but was half-hit by it, glass and hot coffee shattering. He then spat at Patrick and chased him out the door, Patrick grabbing a mushroom pizza load and running away.

"Get the FUCK outta here, NOW!" yelled Pac Man.

That night, Spongebob's Pineapple was shown, with balloons all around it, and a waft of smoke pouring out from the chimney area. Loud music, stuff breaking, and coughing was heard. Inside, people partied, and EVERYONE there was getting blasted on all sorts of good shit. We could see a lot of the traditional characters, including Sandy, Scooter (the purple surfboarding fish with the funny laugh) Larry, Mrs. Puff, and such. Smoke was everywhere. People drank beer, smoked bongs of all shapes and sizes, and ate shrooms whole! It was insane! 

Even Tyronne Biggums had dropped by, smoking a cigar as he poured cocaine on a peanut butter sandwich, his thin fingers gingerly sprinkling the white powder on it. "No party's complete, without some peanut butter and CRACK sandwiches!"

As Gary snorted cocaine, and Spongebob gnawed on several cigarettes, a skinny brown-green fish with brown pants (a regular appearing extra on the show named "Fred") held some pills as he spoke with a fat fish of the same color with a purple shirt and blue pants (he's named Tom) with a blue bong in his curled up lips.

"Tom, wanna try some pills?"

"Ummm…up yours!"

At this time, Patrick ripped open a pinata with shrooms in it, and began to pour them into his gaping mouth, with Sandy and other characters surrounding him going "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

"YEEAH!" yelled Larry, with a blunt leaf tattooed on his lifeguard-ish brawny chest and the words I 3 WEED on it. "Chug them shrooms!"

Suddenly, a stoner's voice called out as the door was kicked down, "YO!" Everyone turned to see none other than Jay & Silent Bob standing there! Jay, with his traditional burglar's cap and yellow jacket began to speak as Silent Bob nodded and pointed as always, a green overcoat and white cap turned backwards on. "Me and Silent Bob'll take on ANY of you mothers in a smoke-off contest!"

Spongebob and Patrick looked at each other, and agreed. "YOU'RE ON!"

The contest began. Jay took a large fatty in his mouth as Silent Bob smoked a big cigarette.

"Yo, no one smokes more chronic shit than us!" As Spongebob puffed on a joint until he swelled like a balloon, then shrunk to vent out a ton of smoke, Patrick sat in a thinking position as he smoked a bong with a bowl-full of weed in it. Jay smoked on a fish-shaped bong as Bob took a dolphin-shaped one. What they saw was a world full of swirling red and orange colors as the walls shot back ten feet, due to PCP! "Now THIS is a fuckiin wet weed trip, Bitches. Loveboat!"

As Patrick smoked Gary as a bong, Spongebob smoked from one that looked like a miniature version of him!

"Da-a-a-a-a-a-ah!" it squeaked in a tiny voice as Spongebob puffed on it.

At this time, Plankton had walked in. He couldn't believe it - everyone in Bikini Bottom was mindlessly stoned. And he was in full awareness. "Yes!" cried the little green, one-eyed, antennae-bearing being. Everyone in Bikini Bottom is goofing off, and I can FINALLY take over the worl-YOW!" That was when two fat fingers grabbed him.

It was Silent Bob, who raised his eyebrows as he smoked on Plankton, using him as a cigarette! Patrick grabbed a box full of crack rocks as Spongebob lay there with a funnel in his mouth. The coke was poured in, crushed, and filtered down into the sponge. At this time, others continued to smoke. Sandy had a cig in her mouth, looking straight at us as she puffed on it. Mermaid Man sat with a bong in his mouth, looking goofy and not even blinking.

Tyrone scratched his neck, white lips being licked of crack particles. "I'm on crack!" he yelled.

At this time, Pearl, Mr. Krab's literal whale of a daughter, took a huge mushroom in her mouth with red and white spots as a few fish smoked, and all screamed, "DRUGS RULE!"

Jay digressed. It was obvious that no one here was going to quit anytime soon. "These guys ain't givin up. Yo, let's kick someone's ass, then!" 

They both looked around, and looked at Squidward, who'd make a great victim! They grabbed him, pulled him down, and began to kick the shit out of him, stomping him with no relent, especially on his head!

"AHH, NOO, OOWW, OWW!" yelled Squidward as he took kicks in the face! Silent Bob leapt up and came crashing down on him, smashing his head open a bit.

"Yeah, BITCH-ward! Snootchie-bootchie!"

Everyone stood there, staring blankly. They began to push and shove each other. Pat slapped someone upside the head and Sandy kicked someone in the nuts. Cries of "Oofh!" and "Watch it!" were heard, before everyone JUMPED into one pile and began kicking the living crap out of each other! Jay and Silent Bob, Squidward, and Tyrone jumped in, and a cloud of smoke with fists flying, punches landing, and teeth, eyeballs, bones, blunts, and underwear flew out.

"I smoke rocks!" cried Tyrone.

"HauahuHUAHAUH!" yelled Patrick.

"Motherfuckers!" cried Jay!

After the enormous melee, the next day, as a matter of fact, a quaint little air dome-house was in the sea. A Pac Man-shaped mailbox with his name on it and a sign saying "GO AWAY" under it was present. Then, we see the inside of the house, where Pac Man had just come in, and saw something ahead. All we could see was a Spongebob-like shadow and a computer coming from the next room.

"What the hell?" asked Pac Man, curious how someone could get in. He advanced, and saw Spongebob sitting at his computer, and one of his hands was down his pants, though we couldn't see what was going on in there (I'm not even going there! shudders) "How did you get in my house? Is that my porno you're watching? And holy shit, are you…whacking off! Good GOD!"

Spongebob paused. The air was silent. Time seemed to stand still. The 15 seconds that passed seemed like an eternity. 

"……………No."

Pac Man sighed. "Okay, well if you get any pubes, piss, and or jizz on my keyboard I'm going to make you wish you never HAD a stick."

Then, a screen came on with a French narrative. "Vun hawf secawnd latair…"

We could see the keyboard, covered in white stuff, yellow urine, curly hairs, and crap like that. Pac Man's voice yelled out.

"FUCK!"

Spongebob then BOLTED out of the house, with Pac Man chasing him.

"Da-a-a-a-ah!" he laughed nervously.

"Get the FUCK out of here, NOW!" yelled Pac Man, chasing him off into the wild plains of Bikini Bottom. Being naïve was no blessing after all. 


	4. Chapter 4: Cuz Spongebob Got High

Hey, it's been a while. Ah-ah-ah-ah! Time to like, post a little non-chapter that is actually the song lyrics to this crazy series. It's a tribute to Afroman's 'Cuz I Got High', only it's a Spongebob version. This is basically life for day guy after smoking some blunts, Mang. Expect the next part in the story to come…soon enough… I think. 

Cuz Spongebob Got High "Are ya ready ki-" (record scratches)

It's like he don't care about nothin' man "Daaaaah! Role another blunt!

Yeah cuz (Ooo-ooo-oo) (smoking sounds) Yeah! Yueh!" (Lattatadadada)

La, ta, ta! Laddadada, Ladadada, latatala!  
Spongebob was gonna clean his room, until he got high (Ooh-ooh-ohh)

He was gonna get up with the alarm, but then he got high (WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE)

Now Gary can't get fed, and I know why, (why man, ay, ay!) '

Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

Spongebob was gonna do well in boating class, before he got high (Da-a-a-a-ah! Uh. Ooh-ooh-ohh)

He coulda' cheated and he coulda passed, but he got high (Uh, uh - latatatatata)

He's taking it next semester and I know why, (Haha, why man, ay, ay!) 'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz

Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (GBuckee)

Spongebob was alright at work, but then he got high (Ooh-ooh-ohh)

He wasn't gonna pee on the patties, but he got high (Uh - latatatatata)

Now Mr. Krabs is goin' bankrupt and I know why, (why man, ay, ay!) (Ahhhrr)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

Spongebob wasn't bothering Squidward, before he got high (Uh - Ooh-ooh-ohh)

He was gonna stop taking a dump in his artwork, but then he got high (No he wasn't! latatatatata)

Now Squidward's poppin' the pills (ah), and I know why, (why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

He wasn't gonna run from the cops but he was high, (Uh, I'm serious man) (Ooh-ooh-ohh)

He was gonna just quit walking and stop, but he was high (ladatatatata)

Now he's on the wanted list, and I know why, (Hahahaha, why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (Uh, uh - latatatatata)

He wasn't gonna crash into a daycare center on his boating test, until he got high ("SPUNGEBOB, WHY)

He wasn't gonna give Ms. Puff a heart attack, but then he got high (Uh, uh, ladatadadada)

Now the ambulance is pulling away, and I know why, (why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

Spongebob was gonna meet Patrick, but then he got high, I'm serious

He was gonna eat Sandy's you-know what (OOOHOH) , but then he got high (aah, ladatadadada)

Now he's jacking off (AAAHH) and I know why, (turn this shit off) (why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (Go, go, go, go)

He messed up his entire life, because he got high (Go, go, go, uh)

His fumes got the jellyfish trippin', because he got high (Yeah, uh! Say what, say what, say what, say what)

Now he's sleeping on the sidewalk, and I know why, (why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

I'm gonna stop singing this song, because Spongebob's high (Bring it, buk-ayy)

It's gonna be forgotten, cuz he and likely you are high (Meow)

And if the kids get influenced into doin shrooms, I'll know why, (why man, ay, ay!)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (ladatatatata)

"Are you really high, Lad?" "He really is high, Krabs!" get jiggy with it O bring it back (say what say what oh)

'Cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high, cuz Spongebob got high! (Bucke, buckay)

"Well my name is Spongebob and I'm from east Bikini…something,

Pat found Squid ward's 'relief cabin', and as they say…

The rest is history, like what Tim McVeigh did. (O my goodness)

So come here, Pat, and tell us all the vowels." (MuHAHAHAHAHA) (buckay)

"Uh…bowels? Uhh, hmmm, I think, uhh…huhuhuhuh.

A-e-i-o-u and sometimes w… (HAHAHA)

And I think zero and Frankenstein and giraffe too"

Lets go back and curse against something now.

"I'm rich, biatch!"


	5. Chapter 5: Send in the Clown

Aight, Folks, I've been blasted on shrooms all week, but here's an update for ya...right after 4/20 - but the whole series of 4/20-4/29 should be considered the holiday! But with that being said, it...is...time...

For Part 3! Be warned that some characters who you may like get...offed...but only a couple who aren't extras. But I'm a vile pile of scum myself, and dead characters may be revived in the future, so you shouldn't worry too much.

--

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS DIRECTOR'S CUT 3 - SEND IN THE CLOWN

"Huhuhuhuh! AAAHhuhuhuhuh!" laughed Patrick as he sat on Spongebob's red and white armchair made of inflatable rafts, pointing at the TV screen, high as can be. 

Spongebob came into the room with his pants down. Remembering that he had forgotten to finish putting them on that morning, he pulled them back up. "Hey, what's that ya watchin, Pat?"

"It's a movie called Harold & Kumar go to White Castle 2 featuring...uh...that guy in a mask...huhuhuh!"

On the screen, the Japanese-American movie character Harold was with his fellow druggie/roomate, the Hindu-American Kumar, Kumar driving along in his minivan or whatever the hell he drives. They were two main characters who were not stereotypes at all, unlike every other character in their movie...coincidence?

Harold looked around. "Where's the next stop? Balls."

Kumar answered, "Cock. Wang." That was when a figure was rising from the back seat. Wearing dark blue coveralls and a white Captain Kirk mask with black, soulless eye-holes and brown hair, this was none other than the evil-polluted Shape, the Boogeyman, Michael Myers!

"Look, it's Batman!" Patrick said while watching.

"Dude," Kumar said as Michael remained silent and motionless behind them. "We are not going though tonight without White Castle in our stomachs."

Harold and Kumar looked back...and did a double take at the sight of Michael. "SHIIIIIIIIIT!" they screamed as Michael grabbed a small model of a white-painted castle with a sharp point on it and STABBED Kumar through the stomach a couple inches with it! The car went out of control, but that was when a gigantic, 2-year-old's arm came towards it and got ready to grab it in some unbelievable twist! "AAAAAAHHH!" the boys screamed as the car was seized. Even Michael seemed to react in soem fucked up comedy moment.

The arm belonged to an enormous toddler, who grabbed the car and smashed the car against the ground in a tempter tantrum, rolling it over and spitting ont, crying. "Waaah! I smash toy! AAHH!"

The enormous child then left a smashed van behind. Out from it, Michael crawled to his feet and left. Harold and Kumar were left in their side-turned car, dizzy.

"Dude, this sucks. Balls."

"Tallywhacker," said Kumar.

Harold paused... then screamed some sort of Ninja call - "AAAAAAAAAAHHOOOAAAAA! DAAH! AAH! DAAH! HAAAA! AAAH DAAAH! AAHAAA!"

Spongebob and Patrick laughed hysterically over this. 

"What did we just watch, Pat?"

"HUHUHUH! I... I forget! It's the airplane glue...I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward...SquiwardSquidwardSquidward!...Hey! Let's go to Sandy's house and have shrooms!"

"DAAA-A-A-A-A-A-AH!"

The Chum Bucket - well, with the H having been pulled off by teenagers... various graffiti was drawn on it...

In the dark corners of a vile, acrid-smelling laboratory within the bowels of this virtually customer-derived restaurant shaped like a bucket with a giant hand poised to hold up its handle, the small, gray-green, familiar, one-eyed, antennaed, stubby-limbed, mischevous Plankton was up to something nasty. He had taken out a folder from his file cabinet with a red 'K-2' on it. 

He seemed quite hopeful in spite of his dozens of failures to steal the Krabby Patty formula from the Krusty Krab and screw Bikini Bottom over or whatever.

"They've put graffiti on my store! They've even SMOKED me!" he shouted, somewhat happy in spite of having been smoked as a joint by Silent Bob not long ago. "I've made dozens of robots and none have succeeded in destroying that yellow annoyance and his friends - But I won't fail with Plan K-2!"

His computer wife, Karen, posted a green-lined outline image of what appeared to be a sort of clown. "We have made much progress, Plankton. This new model has been equipped to survive underwater, and is currrently 68 evil."

"That's great!" Plankton raised his arms and walked towards a dark corner with only a little bit of red light. A small object that was still larger than him was lying on a table top... "Hey, Pal, I need you to do me a favor. Go down to the Kursty Krab - get rid of the boss! And smash up Bikini Bottom too!"

There was mad smoking up at the Tree Dome. A sign with McDonalds-style letters saying 'marijuana' with a subtitle "Over 1 Billion Stoned" was in frotn of the place, with smoke filling up the top half - white, thick joint smoke, that is!

Sponge and Pat, wearing their water helmets, were seeing flying pink elephants in their acid trips while eating poison shrooms. 

"These Texas special brownies sure make me hallucinate, da-a-a-a-ah!"

"Yeah! Huhuh, who needs dumb, old Texas?"

"What did you say, Patrick?" asked Sandy, not to pleased.

"Uh, that Texas is dumb?"

Sandy, being Texas-born, was upset and snapped her fingers. Instantly, dozens of fat, illiterate, stereotypical, nasty, illiterate Texas psychos rained down, circling the two young lads with the pungent smell of beer and tabackey.

"You gots a problem wif Texas?" asked one.

"What, you lost, Boy?" asked another surrounded by men and women bearing American and One-Star State Flags. "Come on, Boy! We dun like yer KIND round hur!"

"Better get outta here before somethin BAD happens."

"Yeaheheheh."

"No!" Spongebob shouted. "No, it's...it's not that, we don't mean any..."

"Hey!" shouted one hick. "Dey took our JOBS!"

"Derk er jerbs!"

"They took our JOBS!" shouted Sandy, pointing.

Spongebob, hearing the calls of this chant, chaped himself to look like Texas. "No! No, see? We like Texas! I'm Texas!"

"Well, maybe you boys is alraght."

Patrick was in limbo. "Hey, Texas sure stinks, huh?"

"That's IT!" screamed a bumpkin. "GET EM! WHITE POWUR!"

"That's RAGHT!" yelled Clayton Bigsby, Black White Supremacist from Chappelle's Show, who was blind, as they beat the crap out of Sponge and Pat. "You TELL THAT N- wait...I'm not even from Texas!"

Back in the Pineapple House, Spongebob and Patrick were covered in bruises and had some cuts...well, Spongebob healed his bruises via spongey abilities, but had feces thrown at him nonetheless. They had chocolate milk moustaches not from drinking diarrhea, but from drinking choclate milk with painkiller pills. Yumyum!

"Huhuh, this chocolate milk with pills in it is the funk!"

"It'll sure cure us of that beating's pain!"

That was when Spongebob, putting his glass down to laugh, with Patrick closing his eyes and guffawing himself, did not notice a hand take the cup away, and then use tongs to place a cup of liquid nitrogen there. Spongebob drank it up, and instanly turned blue, freezing up in no time. That's when he fell to the floor, and shattered loudly. Patrick had a delayed reaction.

"Uh...Sponge? Spongebob!"

He then looked...and saw something there. It was a doll about half his height, with yellow skin, a white face, Homer Simpson-like features, gloves, blue-green clown hair, green pants, orange, long clown shoes, a red nose, and a goofy grin - it was a minature version of Krusty the Klown.

"Hello, Patrick!" he said in a crusty, snide voice. "What's good?"

Patrick didn't even know what was going on. As usual. "Huh- who are you?"

"I'm Krusty the Klown! HuhuhhaHAHAH! Truth is, we're all of one consciousness, experiencing itself suggestively."

"WhuhoHOHO! And to think I just had the munchies for some Cheetos! Huhuh!"

"Wow, that's deep. Let's go get some CHEETOS!"

"Uhuh, ya, Cheetos! Cheetos! Huhuh!"

The music from the song "I'm Walking on Sunshine" began to play as Pat and the Krusty doll went outside, smoking soda bottle bongs, eating cheetos, and getting stoned enough to see all kinds of colors. They danced around.

"Yeah, yeah!" said the doll. "Whoa, the walls just shot back ten feet!"

"WHOA!" Pat said as he saw the shrooms and cheetos taking to each other.

"Hey, you shrooms come to these hallucinations often?"

Patrick laughed as he and Krusty chased, through Jellyfish Fields, a goldfish hallucination with Sandy's face, and a certain hobbit. Surprisignly, they weren't so high as to not keep up with it.

"Ahuhuh! Wohoah, fish! Wohoah, Hobbit!"

"I'll get you, Frodo!" shouted the clown.

"It's SAMWISE, you filthy filthbags! Now pass that ye old bong!"

Things seemed to be going fine. However, the doll's screams soon echoed from within the pineapple house.

"Wait...WHAAAT! NOOOO! Someone stole my cheetos!" Immediately, the doll ran out, at the sight of a trail of Cheetos leading from the house, past where Gary the snail was snorting some cocaine on the yellow-white sand. "Why, I'll find the bum who took 'em by this TRAIL! I'm gonna break his skull open!"

At the Goo Lagoon, a popular resort area with a sign pointing to it, a vast beac with goo-made tidal waves where surfing was popular, some fish were puffing on gigantic joints. By now, things with joints were growing out of control, but the cops were planning on making a counteroffensive to this. A huge party was on... and as fish danced on the beach, the Krusty doll was lead here. However, he had not found his bag of cheetos, and had to look, for the trail ended here.

Even Arnold Schwarzenegger had taken a day to partake in all this, dancing around with his arms waving a bit.

"I'm gettin dawn! I'm gettin dawn! Look at me, everybody!" The doll walked near him. "Hey, look at me, Clown, I'm gettin DOOWWN!"

Krusty Doll was not in a good moof. "Hey, Terminator, ya bitch-fist steroid-usin motherFUCKA. You seen my bag of Cheeots anywhere?"

"Naw, I hawvant seen yo Cheetooos. I vish I could help!"

"Ah crap! Darn it, I gotta find 'em! I got the munchies! By the way, Maria's out getting her strip on!"

"Noo!" Arnold ran off. "I spucifically towd her not to do that, unless I was with her! Mariaaaaa!"

Nearby, Larry the buff lobster, local lifeguard and babe magnet, was holding a volleyball in his hand, talking to Sandy, both having had their share of cocaine.

"Sandy, this coke is the funk! When I was first lifeguard, the coke was uncut, and it was the deal! Boy was I gettin BLASTED, but that's nothing next to how high I am today!"

"Yeah, that's ragiht!" She then saw the clown doll approaching. "Whoa, that clown just looked at us!"

"Hey! Ya wierdo, corrupt, coke-smokin motha-fuckas! You seen my bag of cheetos!"

"Well, by golly, that depends on your definition of 'seen', little dude!" The clown's eyes narrowed dangerously. "That's raight!"

Larry answered, "We were drinkin' fourties and smokin' blunts," The clown was interested. "When a...gray guy came and he had your cheetos and he said that he took 'em from 'your little bitch ass'."

"And he said you're lucky he didn't take your 'ugly' clown shoes!"

"Well, you're not going to let him get away with that, are you? I wouldn't let anyone punk me out like that!"

"If I were you, I'd go Gremlins or Chucky on him and JFK him!"

The odll grew a nasty grin after a moment of rage. "Yeah, that's exactly what I'm about to do! I'm gonna find that guy and make his gray self black and blue! Time to restart the business I once tried, about 13 years to the day!"

Nearby, Patrick was baked as could be, his fat jelly belly poking out as Squilliam, a rich version of Squidward with a unibrow and scarlet robe, walked near, arms akimbo, head high, laughing at the stoned civilians. He had succeeded in every area that Squidward had failed in, but Squid was still recuperating from the asskicking he got from that party courtesy of Jay & Silent Bob. 

"Hey, Squiliam!" The gray snob was surprised that he was even recognized by this oaf...but it was recognizion...why look a gift horse in the mouth? he deserved it, after all. "Wanna hit this joint?"

He had never heard something so ridiculous, and that was saying something. "HA! NO! I came to this bad town and it has become even more classless than ever!" He laughed in his nasally voice, a slow, in-your-face laughter.

"Oh." A moment passed. "Wanna hit this joint? Oh, hey, it's Krusty, HI KRUSTY! HUHUHUH!"

"Sorry, Pat, I've got business to attend to." The doll approached Squilliam, who was a bit perplexed at this odd sighting. 

"Another vagabond appears, I'm sure."

"Hi! My name is Krusty the Klown and I don't like you, Mr. Gay, I mean, GRAY guy. I heard you ate my cheetos today!" 

"What are you talking about!"

"You ate my cheetos didn't you? You ate my cheetos, didn't you?"

"No I didn't! No, I didn't..."

"Don't act dumb, I'm in no mood! Darn, look at your tentacles!" He saw that Squilliam's tentacles were a curiously familiar shade of orange - as were his lips. This was the evidence he needed. 

"STOP!" Squilliam was not one to stand tall at a threat - he was a sort of coward.

"They're ORANGE! They're orange, Man! You ate my cheetos, didn't you?"

"No, no, noo..."

"WHAT? You don't talk to me that way - you ate my cheetos, Motherfucker! YOU ARE GOING TO PAY! HUHUHAHAHA!"

"No! NO, NOOO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! No sto-"

Too late - the Krusty Doll got an automated handgun and began to pump Squilliam full of lead! The gray rich guy grabbed his heart as his head was shot mercilessly! Blood was everywhere, and people who started to realize this shit panicked.

"TAKE THAT, MOTHA FUCKA!" The RATAATATATATAT stopped, and Squilliam's head was half-missing, gushing blood. He then fell ot the ground, and people ran. The doll was very happy to be in the midst of his work. I was like being born to him, and he was going to proclaim this joy to all people. "Holy COW, Everybody, I blew his fuckin' brains out!"

Pat's eyes shrank within his head. "WHOA! This weed is sure filled with tetra-hydra...tetra...teth... THC!"

Krusty the doll was no longer stingy about his spree, for he had lost his cheetos and was so mad - he had felt as if he lost everything, and was so wrapped in the possession that...since it was gone, he had nothing to lose, and he was going to brign everyone down with him as he crashed down. Packing more than a gun on his trip here, taken by rage, unable to hold back in an evil spree, he took out a long kitchen knife and leapt upon a dark green fish, stabbing his heart out in an instant.

"GAAHH!"

Blood was kicked into the air. "I'm Krusty the Klown, and I'm on a RAMPAGE!"

"OOOAAAH! AAAHHH NOO!" screamed two fish as they were gunned down with fatal shots from the handgun, a strong-ass Magnum, namely one bad mofo. They were hit in critical areas repeatedly until dead.

"I'm an idiot who gets shot! Aaah, I'm bleeeeding!" said the clown to mock them. "Why? Well, why NOT?"

This attack was already being broadcated by those daring enough to go near - and that realistic fish head, the local news reporter, was on, mouth pointed skyward and wearing business-style clothes and a tupee. The word LIVE was behind him as a vision of people fleeing from the attack, explosions occuring, was shown.

"Here I am, live on the scene as a killer doll attacks Goo Lagoon! And even though Arnold Schwarzenegger was spotted there, he was too high to do anything, as blamed by the local marijuana wave, and also ran out before the attack screaming the name 'Maria' over and over. Our sources indicate that the doll had convinced him to do so, and this doll was said to be looking for a 'bag of cheetos'. As of now, we - oh, we're having technical difficulties - OH NO!"

The doll came on screen, not attacking the newscaster, but sending him running. He pointed at the screen and shouted, "If anyone assisted in stealing my cheetos, then show yourselves, because until then, this whole beach is a hostage zone! Come on, BITCH! HUHUAHAHAHA!"

Static cut onto the TV screen where this was all being watched. It was at Plankton's lab, and he was shaking his fist in rage.

"Look at that fool, lollygagging the day away! I told him he could have his fun and be at the Krusty Krab one hour ago, but he failed to do even that!" He then snickered. "Good thing I've had a back-up plan as a way to instigate him into attacking Bikini Bottom in case he failed at his main mission - but this back-up won't mess this up!"

At Goo Lagoon, the doll was spreading the word of evil.

Namely, delivering newspapers with the word EVIL on the title in black, red-highlighted letters to the citizens, who read them... one unlucky fish had a rock thrown at her head for no reason, and she collapsed, holding it as the clown laughed. However, sirens began to break the screams and gunfire, and the clown looked over and saw a fleet of cop boats surging across the sand dunes, red and blue lights blazing, in his direction.

"Oh, crap, it's the pigs! Well, I guess it is time for some REAL fun!" 

He pulled out a long rope with hooks attached to one end, and shot it up at a police chopper not so high above. It connected with the rafters and the doll was ready to go up, throwing the newspapers at the cops, one daring female officer holding it away from her and storming towards him.

"Now hold on am inute, Buster!"

"HEY-HEY!" the clown said, walking up her as if she were no more than a patch of dirt and pressing a button on the rope's end, where a remote was attached. "Spread the word of evil!"

The clown was launched up onto the chopper's window. The police piloting it screamed at the sight.

"It's him! Shoot him! Shoot him!"

"WAAASAAAP?" the clown said as the officers fumbled with their guns. "Oh corporate pigs, oh pigs, LET ME IN!" 

He then stabbed through the glass with his knife and made his way in, taking the rope off and using it to tie up the cops. He then took a second one that was already on the chopper and tossed it way down, hooking a policeman in a roofless boat right through the eye, hooking the socket with marksmanship ability! The cop babbled and twitched from the shock of this, and his fellow policeman screamed.

"AAH! No, JOHNNY, NO!"

The cop was yanked out of the cruiser and lifted up before being cast down again. As the helicopter flew at speeds in excess of 50 miles per hour, the cop was dragged across hard pavement face-first, and within seconds, he had been painfully scraped to death, villagers fleeing for their lives. 

"Now THAT'S comedy!" blurted the doll in heinous laughter.

Cries of "He'll kill us all!" and "MY LEGS!" were heard.

At that time, the green, pickle-like sea cucumber Kevin, a famed and snotty jellyfish hunter, was in the crowd of people running, when suddenly, that same wire, now going very fast, clotheslined him hard enough to saw his head off!

"MEEEP!" screamed his anchovie goons as they ran off in differant directions.

The chopper then began to sink downwards towards a crowd of fleeing beachgoers. They ran off in time, but when it crashed, the doll using a spring to launch himself away, the resulting explosion tore up a nearby building and killed the two police men inside!

"Now that that's over, I-" He then noticed that another trail of cheetos was headed out of the beach. He didn't stop to think of it as a coincidence. "Wait, there's a trail of cheetos heading that way!"

The doll did not have to look hard, for he followed the trail straight to the Krusty Krab. He opened the double glass doors with fury as he entered. However, he noticed Mr. Krabs having been frozen the same way Spongebob was, his face twisted in fear. There was a bag of cheetos next to him - and a light gray. rectangular shape with cartoonish arms and legs.

"Hey, who's THAT?" he asked... "And...is that my bag of cheetos? It is! And it's emopty!"

The creature turned and looked at the doll, with a face that made it resemble a...poorly drawn Spongebob.

"BWAK! BEWO!" it yelled.

That was when Plankton appeared, carrying a Krabby Patty on a powerful arm-mounted backpack. "Krusty the Doll...meet Frankendoodle! My back-up plan! I convicned him to do my bidding." The doll was not changed to a better mood. "You didn't get here fast enough, and so I sent him to do your job! I also had him take your cheetos to antagonize you so that Bikini Bottom would be smashed while the Krusty Krab was destroyed, killing two scalops with one stone! Pretty ingenious, huh?" 

The doll was obviously pissed off. "So HE was the gray guy I heard about?"

"Yes, and you were too busy befriending a starfish! HE succeeded where YOU failed! You were only a pawn!"

The doll gained back his evil smile as he pulled out his gun. "Weeeeelll, I'm gonna put some HOLES in your little plan, namely your friend there!" Frankendoodle grew angry and approached the doll, who pointed at him. "I'm gona kill YOU! YOU, FrankenBITCH!" The doll was not afraid. Old west music was heard, with a whip noise followed by a yelp - probably something going on in the back of the fast food joint. The two aberrations faced off, one a plastuic doll, the other a paper drawing. "Ready to die, huh? Paper or plastic, Homo?"

"Byeeeenbahbahbahhaahhh! You go BOOM now!"

At this moment, Patrick and an unfrozen, placed back together Spongebob were holding onto an ice cream truck that was cruising around. 

"Thanks for unfreezing me, Patrick! He's at the Krusty Krab!"

"Maybe this ice cream truck will get us there!"

The Krusty Krab became a battle scene as the Krusty Doll and Frankendoodle were rolling around on the floor, clawing, biting, kicking, yelling, and punching at each other like animals, never stopping.

"BLAAAHH! Blah-plah-plah-pfffft! Caca bewwwyo!"

"Eeehhheeaah!"

The doll was grabbed and repeatedly slammed headfirst against the wooden floor.

"BAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAA!"

"My name - OW is OW Krusty OW and I am going to kill you!" 

The doll pulled out a chord and, breaking from the hold, crawled around the doodle's body to tie the thing around his 'neck', trying to choke him. The creatures struggled.

"Gee-WOOO AHH! BLAAH!"

"I'll choke ya DEAD!" The doll was tossed off of Frankendoodle, who used a giant, magic pencil to draw a bowling ball and roll it at the doll, knocking him into the air. "Hey, watch that shit, UUHH..." The doll bounced against the ground and got up, firing what was left of his gun's ammo into Frankendoodle. The creature was riddled with holes at rapid rate, and still kept approaching, until it slumped over, still crawling towards Krusty. By the time the gun had ran out of ammunition, the doodle was half of what he once was. The Krusty Doll was unerring, and pulled out his trusty knife, approaching the helpless doll and stabbing what was left of him to shreds. Pieces flew into the air, and the doll was victorious. "HUHAHAHAHA!"

Or so he thought, for a hand reached up, grabbing his mouth and sealing it shut. Frankendoodle was reforming, piecing himself back together! However, he could not do so completely yet from the shock of that assault. The doll was eaten up badly, and then the Spongebob drawing pulled out his pencil and rubbed it in the clown's face and head, pressing him against the ground, before beating him over the head with it. By this time, Spongebob and Patrick were coming in, along with citizens viewing the brawl.

"Me win fight! Not YOU."

The drawing saw that his attempts to erase Krusty had failed, and, frustrated, grabbed him. The doll was bleeding and groaning, and then yelped as Frankendoodle smiled - he was going to eat him! He opened his mouth and everything inside began to whir in a twisted, horrible pencil sharpening movement! The doll screamed as he was SHOVED FACE-FIRST IN THERE! Blood drifted out violently as the horrible whirring blades tore his face apart, spinning him around a bit, but he was held steady to make it worse! 

"AAAH! GAAAHH!"

Finally, the doll was launched out of the creature's mouth, but was still getting up. Both began to brawl, stabbing at each other some more and throwing rocks at each other. Patrick tried to interfere, but was hit with a flying rock to the head, making his face have that stupid look he gets when hit with a rock, this one having kelp growing on it.

"I'm so stoned!" he blurted.

"I've had enough of this!" yelled Spongebob, who was not high right now. "It's time to end this madness!" He noticed the pencil lying on the floor. "Pat, grab it!" Patrick stumbled towards it, and Spongebob grabbed a notebook. "On the count of three! One - two - three - READY, AIM, FIRE!"

The pencil and book were launched at their targets - BAM! The pencil brutally impaled the clown doll, who screamed as it pierced his torso, blood spurting in all directions.

"AAHHOOOAA!" He fell over.

At that instant, the book hit Frankendoodle and snapped shut on him, a light glowing from it.

"DAAAAAaaahhhhh..." yelled the drawing, his voice echoing and growing quiet...then it was gone.

The book fell to the floor, and opened up as the doll twiched, then lay silent. Within the papers on the book, Frankendoodle was nothing but a drawing - when his angry face changed. Instead of his face being angry - he was now smiling, with a smile common to the carefree innocence of youth.

"NOOO!" shouted Plankton. Though he had damaged Bikini Bottom, he was alone now and had to pay for his heinous crimes - he started it all. "This is -"

That was when Plankton was picked up and placed in a zip-lock bag by Mr. Krabs, who was unfrozen now.

"You're goin' to jail for a long time, Pal."

Indeed, he was.

As Spongebob, Pat, and Mr. Krabs wlaked outside a bit later, talking about the ordeal, the Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, came back.

"Dah, I'm here to help! Ah-ah-ah-ah!"

"Sorry," Spongebob said, "We took care of the bad guys! All is well now."

"Yeah," Pat shouted, "I'm so high right now, it's gonna be fun trying to REMEMBER IT!"

It was finally over.

At least it seemed so.

The Krusty Doll had been taken away. It now lay on the ground...lifeless...its eyes were closed. However, a close look at the eyelids ensued...

Nothing moved.

Not a sound...

And yet...

One of the eyelids began to open - it did so quickly, and yet the eye inside did not make any movement. The tiny black pupil was evil in the narrowed eyelid. Cold. Dark. Demonic. And though it seemed to be staring into space, it was looking directly at our perspective...and it wouldn't stop.

THE END 


	6. Chapter 6: Jason Takes Dickelodeon

YO. It's been a looooong time since I last updated. Been playin Resident Evil 4 and getting so fucked up on vodka laced with blood I can't even see straight. And as far as all the shit that person said, LadyBow, it's no problem.

BUT I have found something SO crazy, even this series is hard to challenge it. Go to and search SPONGE GORE to view a series of insane parodies of Spongebob episodes. These feature pictures of people dying and all kinds of other insane edits that are just CRAZY. So watch that shit now. As a brief history, this was all on you tube until they saw one making fun of Columbine (teehee) and decided to act like a bunch of fuckwhineholes and remove the others.

But now, manwith10toes is BACK, so go watch all this shit ASAP. Because it's AWESOME.

Nevertheless, I was originally just gonna make this a note, but I decided to add more.

Tonight was Friday the 13th 2 of 2006, and a long time ago, I wrote a story in tiem for August 2004's Ft13th, in which the serial killer from those movies, Jason Voorhees (search wikipedia or some shit to find out who he is if you don't know him) would dispatch the a-holes of shows that made Nickelodeon a piece of shit outside of Spongebob, Zim, and a few classic shows.

This is the prequel to the original Spongebob Director's Cut. Maybe I just did this because Jason's mask is kind of like mine. I also apologize for any favorite characters killed in this spree…or do I? BTW, Jason doesn't really kill kids, but let's just say that his rage is um, forcused on these motherfuckers anyway.

AAAAnd here we go!

--

FRIDAY THE 13th PART N/A: JASON TAKES NICKELODEON

In a dense forest walked the serial killer clad in dark clothes and a dirty but white intact hockey mask with slash marks. Carrying a long, sharp machete, the rotting hulk of a zombie-like beast, Jason Voorhees, was plodding his way through the forest, in search of a kill to satisfy his dead mother's dark wishes. Little did he know that a portal he stumbled upon told a different story.

In the shitland of Nickelodeon was the bright area of Retroville. This was the home of the annoying, big-headed boy genius Jimmy Neutron. His parents, whose names I forget, were in their house, talking.

"I like pie, and ducks," said the father. "Why don't they just make DUCK PIE?", perhaps referring to the uh…nevermind.

However, behind the window, Jason Voorhees was approaching. He had found his targets, and was going to go all-out. He walked through the large window, glass shattering, before he took a poker and rammed it into Jimmy's dad's face! The mother screamed, before the said poker was rammed into her heart. Both fell over, dead, blood everywhere. Jason left the house. Not too long after, word of the murders spread. Jimmy's friends, the fat Carl and manic Sheen ran up to him from behind.

"Jimmy!" yelled Sheen. "It's terrible… you're parents, they…"

Jimmy, who did not see his friends being sliced in half behind him, spoke. "They what? Hey! It can't be that – guys? HUH?! OH NO!!"

Jimmy let out a scream before Jason's machete was driven into his face. Nearby, a surge of blood from that big head being slashed met Jimmy's pesterers, the whiny bitches Cindy and Libby (SP? Who cares…)

"Hey," said Cindy, "was that Spewtron's head that blew up? No wonder so much blood could…"

She too was cut off for Jason stepped out of the blood explosion and hacked the two girls to bits, body parts flying in all directions.

Later, the idiots from Rugrats were gathered in one area. Since Nickelodeon was a series of warps connected together in this story, Jason would inevitably find a new warp to cross.

"Hey, ya dumb babies!" Angelica said to Tommy, Phil, Lil, and Chucky. "I see something ahead!'

Jason was picking apart the parents. An axe cleaved the breastbone of a screaming Stu Pickles. Jason sliced up all the other parents, excluding Didi Pickles, who whimpered.

"Oh, look at this mess – EEP!" Jason rammed darts through her eyes!

The babies were shocked. Jason then threw them a sort of bird-like toy that was actually one of Stu's EXPLOSIVE inventions, because when it landed, the thing exploded – tearing the babies into burnt shreds!!

Jason's next target was Ocean Shores, where Otto Rocket and his friends Sam, Twist, and his sister Reggie hung out, skating it up at MadTown, somehow pulling pro stunts with no effort.

"Yo!" said Twister. "Sick my moves, bro!"

"Aw, you BEEFED it!" yelled Otto as Sam fucked up, again.

But Jason was watching from behind a ramp. He watched as they bowed down and did that "woogedy-woogedy" shit. He grabbed two long bars, and rammed one through Otto & Twister's heads, the other through Sam ad Reggie's heads! They all fell, dead. Jason then saw Tito's fat ass up ahead, and stalked him. Tito was smart enough to find a hanging rope and swung off of a ledge. However…just as he did that, Raymundo, who was surfing a wave of sewage crossing the area, was SMASHED so hard by the swinging fat ass Tito that his body burst into a bloody pile of shit.

"Like the ancient Hawaiians said," Tito mentioned, "Never mix fat man with impact!"

Jason was then found in the next area where the Wild thornberries planned to rape small animals and sodomize larger ones. They were on a raft, all of them – eliza, Donnie, Darwin, Debbie, and the parents Nigel and Marianne.

"Oy, I think I spawtted a fish!" yelled Nigel.

"RALLY, well that's loike, totally DUH!" said the teen-bitch Debbie.

But as the camera they had focused on a bush as they slowed down, Jason popped out on camera and then went haywire, slashing up the parents. The others ran off, only to see cut off limbs and blood flowing in the nearby rapids. They screamed, but Jason came up and began to slash and hack them all up. Eliza took a massive bowie knife to the forehead to top it all off.

Jason was next spotted in the world of Hey Arnold! He kicked Arnold's football head and made it go soaring into the air! Then, he took Gerald and pointed him. What was he doing? Well, Helga, Stinky, Harold, Eugene, and Sid were standing in a line buttfucking when Gerald's pointy self was thrown _through each of them_ in a straight line. Gerald continued to fly, covered in entrails, as his friends fell down dead, and went right into a woodchipper! He screamed as the blades tore his body to bits. Skin, nerves, hair, organs, clothes, muscles, blood vessels, and even bones were shredded, and then sent flying out of the vent in a slurry of chopped up pieces!

Jason continued on, going after Nearburg and it's cast. Catdog was set up as a giant slingshot, and he Greaser Dogs, Lube, cliff, and Shriek, were lured into chasing Jason, though when they rammed Catdog as he pulled the body back, he let go and they were FLUNG right up and then down, onto some poles, each getting impaled! Jason took Catdog and then twisted him. He tried to rip the hybrid in two along the waste, but had to use his machete! Both halves squirmed as Jason walked off.

"This is FUN!!" Dog said.

"This is PAIN!" yelled Cat.

Jason then went through more characters still. Rabbit from Catdog was stabbed in the head, as Mr. Sunshine, the green monkey man, had an eye ripped out. Ickis was hung, Krumm was crushed, XJ-9 got her head unscrewed and broken, Dany Phantom got his arms ripped off, and Aanda Bynes was stabbed through the head by a barbeque fork.

"This sssuucckkks…" she said as she slowly bled to death.

Jason was, by now, wet with gore and blood. However, there was a place in need of REAL punishment – the dreaded center of bullshit known as the U-Pick live Studio. There was Brent and Candace, the annoying hosts, as well as loser co-characters Antonio, Cow, Garbageio, and Antonio.

"It's Prize-wall time on U-Pic Live!" yelled Brent's faggot ass. He and the others watched as a hand with a suspicious black glove and sleeve came out to hand Brent a paper. "And you kids, win…absolutely NOTHING!! You snot-rags lose again! That's what you get for being on this dumb show!"

Kids cried and ran off as soon as they realized what they were doing. However, the real surprise came when from the wall burst the real hand – it was JASON all along; he promptly impaled Brent in the chest with his hand, before smashing Cow in the face with an axe! Antonio was then grabbed before his ribs were smashed when Jason took a hammer and bashed them in. Pick-boy was then impaled with a baseball bat!

"Ahh! This is Pickboy, with a bat through him, sighning oghjghj…" He fell to the floor, and Candace brightened up.

"Time to run!" she said, only to have a 500 pound speaker slammed on her. Bones crushed, Candace screamed before blood surged out of her mouth and she died. Jason left, and Garbageio began to wrestle and eat the remains of his friends, grunting. A few kids came to join in.

Next, a seething Jason approached the house of Timmy Turner on that GAY show Fairly Oddparents. Jason walked in with a pitchfork and stabbed Timmy's mom before she could rattle out another bad joke!

"Why, thanks, I-" said Timmy's dad, before Jason grabbed him – and folded his spine in half!! "DOOOAAHH!!"

Up in Timmy's room, the little bastard was back after Timmy from South Park demolished his face with his wheelchair in another story of mine.

"Thanks for reviving me, Guys!"

"Now we can rape you!!" yelled Wanda.

But Jason was not far behind these morons. He took a fork and rammed Cosmo's left eye out, stabbed his brain with it, and then put another fork in his jaw!

"AH MY BRAIN!! Babble and drool…" Cosmo fell down dead.

Wanda screamed as Jason tore her lower body off with an ax, and then, he took a massive wood block and rammed that shit through her whole head!! She was needlessly said, fucked in the head. Jason then kicked Timmy Turner in the face a few times before throwing him out of a window and killing him. He then wrapped Chip Skylark in chains and stabbed him with many arrows and knives, a retarded look on his face smashed with a hammer! Jason also took his hand and mauled Vicky's face, tearing into the skull and tearing it to pieces!

Jason's massive killing spree was indeed unstoppable now. He walked by the fishbowl in Timmy's room, which interestingly enough, whisked him away to…

Bikini Bottom. Business was booming at the krusty krab, where Squidward was being a grouch and Mr. Krabs was massaging money up his bunghole. Jason walked in the area, and went face-to-face with Squidward.

"Hey, Ugly," the squid with a dick for a nose growled. "You gonna order or are you just gonna walk in and—AAHH!" Jason picked up Squidward and tossed him head-first through the window to the next room. He hit the wall and fell on the grill there, face-first. Squidward lay motionless, then picked his burnt face/head up to look... "Ouch – huh? Uh-oh, I'd better play dead." He did so.

In the next room, fish ran off as Jason tore off Mr. Krabs' arms and walked out of the area.

"AHH!! Me arms!! That no good barnacle ripped off me arms! Well, at least he didn't take me money."

Word of the mass murders spread quickly now. Spongebob was so scared that held up in his house, and Sandy and Patrick, his friends, were concerned.

"I cant believe it. With all that psycho hoopla around, Spongebob has holed up in his house and won't come out! He can't be scared forever, and we must help him! So, here's the plan. First, you dress as a maniac. Then, I act scared. Then, Spongebob will come out to save me and he won't be afraid! Remember: jon't jump out until I give the signal! You got that?"

"RIGHT!" drooled Patrick.

Soon, the plan was ready. Sandy stepped near Spongebob's door.

"Alright, Spongebob, you win. Stay inside forever! Yours is truly the iron will! -NOW, Pat!" Patrick, dressed in black clothes, with his skin painted gray, and a hockey mask on, came out and began to dance wildly, making fart noises and monkey sounds. "Ah! A maniac! Save me, Spongebob!!"

"Okay, Guys," said Spongebob in his house, lights turned off… "This is your saddest attempt yet. Everyone knows that's Patrick in last year's Halloween costume."

"No, really! You gotta come save me!"

This continued until a suspicious second Patrick walked nearby, with an ice cream cone.

"Hey, Sandy.", it said, a perfect Patrick voice. "Who's your friend?"

"But…but you're supposed to be in the maniac suit."

"I AM in the maniac suit," said the disguised Patrick, taking off the mask to reveal himself. "I thought I was doing a pretty good job!"

"If you're Patrick, then who's that!?" That was when the second Patrick stiffened up…before it was ripped open from the inside, revealing – JASON!! Sandy pinted and screamed! "HUH! A real maniac!!"

"HUH?!" yelled Spongebob.

Jason looked at Sandy and Patrick, seething. He then finished ripping out of his suit, standing a couple heads over the two screaming animals. He then took out a bag and scooped them in his arm. Bagging them both, he tied the bag closed and violently began to slam Patrick and Sandy around in there! They yelled in pain as Jason SLAMMED the bag into the ground. He did this several more times, screams of "OW! OH! OW!" coming out. He also kicked and punched the bag a few times.

"OH MY GOSH!" yelled Spongebob. Jason then grabbed the bag and began to bounce around with it like one of those big bouncing balls. "This can't be happening!!" Jason then slammed a chair on the bag, smashing the chair to bits. He took the pieces and hit the bag with them, before taking a guitar and bashing it against the bag! Jason elbow dropped, then body slammed the bag, now kicking it along the ground. Spongebob yelled out the window. "This is exactly the kind of thing I was talking about! Well, they were asking for it. It's not like I didn't warn them about the dangers of being outside in times like this. Yes, I KNOW they're my two dearest friends in the world, but I told them I wasn't going outside no matter what! But…that guy could still break in here. …But if it were me out there being bagged by a madman, Patrick and Sandy would risk anything to save me." He stood up. "And I've got to do the same for them. If I don't come back, take care of yourself, Gary…"

"Meow," said Gary as he snorted a line of coke.

Spongebob walked to the door. "Well, here I go. From the safety of my home…to the outside world…" He then nervously gulped, reached for the knob, banged on the door, and got out. He looked around, his heart pounding. "I'm taking my first step…so far so good. I think I can do this!" That was when a piece of paper flew against his face and was stuck on it, blinding Prickelodeon's last resort. "AAHH, oh dear Neptune, get it off me! Get it off me! Gee-AH!" He tore off the paper and looked around. Nothing was happening…everything was silent. "Hey – I'm alright! I made it outside! Nothing can stop me now!" That was when Jason grabbed Spongebob with both hands and deftly lifted him over his head. "Is it too late to go inside yet?" Jason then tore Spongebob in two along the middle with a PLOP!! Now, his right half spoke. "Yep, it's too late." Jason was shaking from a sort of psychotic overexcitement. "Patrick? Sandy?"

"Yeah, Spongebob!?" Pat and Sandy said, in the bag.

"I'm sorry I caused all of this. I'm not scared of going outside anymore. But I'm terrified of this guy now."

"That's okay, spongebob," said Sandy. "Us too!"

"You know what I don't understand, though?"

Spongebob's other half spoke. "…What?"

"What's a guy who DROWNS all the time doing UNDER WATER? In the first place?!"

WHAM! Even Jason was bitch-slapped by reality, and he quivered in far, dropping Spongebob, to find a big, green genie creature, this appearance being LOGIC itself. The creature had elf ears, yellow eyes, a ghost tail, and powerful arms. It towered head and shoulders over Jason.

"I am Logic," it said, grabbing Jason. "And I am here to take you away!"

Logic then smacked Jason around, if you will, into the 'horizon'. Patrick and Sandy, who were now free, as well as Spongebob's two halves, stood to watch as Jason was abolished. But this all turned out to be on TV, and we could hear familiar laughing. Then, we could see Beavis & Butthead on the couch watching this.

"Uhuhuhuhuhuh," laughed Butt-head. "That was COOL."

"See?" said Beavis. "Heep. I told you it would kick ass."

Jason was defeated once more.

But for how long?

_Ch-ch-ch-ch-ah-ah-AH, Tim-tim-timtimmc-mc-veigh-HUH?!!_


	7. Chapter 7: The Real Deal

Well, it has been a long f'in time, like four months, but here I am again. Turns out that Viacom's bitch ass removed Spongebob, Viva La Bam, Avatar, South Park, Daily Show, Colbert Report, Ren & Stimpy, Beavis & Butt-head, and a whole load of other shows' material from Youtube on February's earlier days. This includes nearly every full episode and even MUSIC VIDEOS that have mere CLIPS from the shows. Put a show's name in your tag, and away it goes. Needlessly said, people complained about this bullshit, because even mere CLIPS are removed, including the awesome Sponge Gore Death Pants videos (well I like em) and countless others.

Even peoples' complaint videos, here and there, are being taken down. I may not be a specific youtube member, but I like some of the frikkin content that they removed. Okay, taking off a few episodes is understandable, but clips? I think the lawyers and the people are all fucked up and going a bit too far, like they want to make a name for themselves. Well guess what, Viacom? People aren't trying to make money off of uploading the content and if anything, it can help promote your shows and get you a bit of money and everyone's happy.

But maybe things will get better. Well, this is the next part of da story. Since Chapters one and two on here were the same part, and since one chapter was a song while the other was a prequel, this is the official Part IV. DBZ fans might not want to read this… sort of.

--

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS – DIRECTOR'S CUT 4: THE REAL DEAL

During one dark, eerie, murky night in Bikini Bottom, a certain pineapple house had one light flickering, an angry yellow, in and out, as a gray-white cloud drifted from the chimney, as it had for days upon days. How smoke exists under water, no one knew. Bikini Bottom was not 'Bikini Reality' after all.

"Uhh…" growled a deep voice from a starfish inside of the abode. "Noinch, noinch, smokin' weed…coke…uhhhh…"

A high-pitched voice followed, "Uhhh…drinking weed, weed, doing beer…"

Squidward Tentacles walked by the street, returning from some outing. He slipped on a dreadlocks hat and ran to get away from the house's view.

"Maybe if I disguise myself, those two FOOLS won't recognize me."

Inside the pineapple house, Spongebob and Patrick were getting BLASTED on multicolored hamburgers known as pretty patties, laced with food coloring and different drugs per color as strange music blasted on the speakers. They wore the pale yellow, rubbery Glove World glove hats as they both had joints in their mouths. Patrick's eyelids were falling. One of Spongebob's eyes was swollen shut as the other one was dilated to twice its original size.

"Da-a-a-a-ah! I love watching Russell Crowe's show while getting BAKED!" laughed Spongebob as Patrick stumbled to stand, then fell. "And those drug-flavored Krabby Patties ROCK!"

"AHUHUHUHUHUH! Crack rocks rock rocks rock rocks too!"

On the TV screen, Russell Crowe, all buff and like a gorilla with a sailor's outfit on, was spying on something from behind the bushes of an area way high up in the sky, a holy temple area – the Kami's Palace place from Dragon Ball Z.

"Allo. Oi'm in the middle of the Dragon's Balls Z world, where people FOIGHT fer no reason fer undreds of episodes! These guys are known to scream for hours, and they tend to SUCK!" Beyond him, Goku, Vegeta, Goten, Trunks, and the others, a bunch of humanoid muscular characters with spiky hair or green skin or a stupid look on their face stood. "The spoiky-haired ones seem to be the Alpha Males… must be real used ter FOIGHTIN! Let's get a closah look!"

The violent celebrity stepped closer to the group of congregating DBZ good guys, who were conversing right after the Buu Saga (although Fat Buu wasn't there. Neither was Mr. Satan, and uh, look on wikipedia for the characaters' profiles if you don't know them, as I'm a lazy sack a shy guy shit and dun feel like describing them).

"Dah, Krillin, who's that out there?" Goku asked. "I'm…GRUNT…feeling…GRUNT…sssssOMETHING…"

"Uh, I think it's Russell Crowe," answered the once bald-headed human, who was actually quite the midget.

"OH I THINK IT'S RUSSEL CROWE!" yelled Russell to mock peoples' greetings. "LALALALALA! Get yer cock-shaped head outta me business, ya freak!!"

Then, Russell started to beat the shit out of everyone.

"AHUHUHUHUH, THAT GUY GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH A COCONUT!" laughed Patrick as Gary crawled over him, sniffing some cocaine.

"OOH NO HIT MISTAH POPO YOUNG BAHS!" yelled Mr. Popo.

Russell continued kicking ass, even when Goku changed into a Super Saiyan 3! They exchanged blows until Russell hit with a Telephone Bash Rage Berserker Punch.

"DOOAAAHCAAH!" yelled Goku.

"NO DAD!" cried Goten before Trunks touched his wiener.

"Bleach ya hair and scream some more, ya FAG!" Russell said as he knocked Goku into the two kids.

Spongebob took two hits of acid while Patrick pointed and laughed again, Gary falling over from the cock, er COKE.

"AHUHUHUH, THAT GUY GOT HIT IN THE HEAD WITH TWO COCONUTS!"

"Eat some shit, Cunts!" yelled Crowe as more beating sounds, chickens clucking, farts, and cows mooing were heard on TV.

"NO ONE hits me like that!" grunted Vegeta as Russell Crowe hit him OVER 9000 times.

"You first then the green guy!" yelled Russell.

Suddenly, Patrick and Spongebobs' vision began to change, flipping to and from an inverted color scheme. The area got blurry as the walls shot back.

"Hey, Pat – WHOA, I think I'm zoning out!"

"Uhuhuhuh, what?"

"I said I think I'm zooonning out!"

"Whoa. … … … WHAT?"

A white light appeared before them.

Was it THAT white light?

No, it was a glimpse…

…into the past.

The caveman days - The entire area known as Bikini Bottom was then covered in lush jungle foliage and prehistoric shit from prehistoric animals as a caveman Spongebob with a loincloth was exploring, a whole life of discovery ahead of him. Behind him, watching from bushes, were Caveman Squidward and Caveman Patrick. They were known as Spongegar, Patar, and whatever the freak Squidward was known as. Oh yeah, Squog. Squog was not watching with Patar. He was actually observing him observe Spongegar; the two he considered as lower life forms.

"Oooh-ooh!" chattered Spongegar like a chimp. "Ooh-oh-OOH! Da-a—aah…huh?"

He had found something. Green leaves on the ground, they were, a bit fat, but with one pointed up, two at increasing angles from the straight central leaf going to either side, and one at a ninety degree angle from the central leadf per side. Ancient grass…

"Heehhhh," breathed Patar. "…Uuhh, ooh? Unk-crunk?"

"Naahaa oo-ooh… Pooka?"

"Hmmm…" growled Squog. "…Dumbo."

Angry at the two lower life forms' fun, he stomped out to them.

Patar said, joyfully, "Squag, ooh, tanooga-hat! Ee eee HOO! Tabonga do."

"Patar… rrrr…" Squog stomped towards Spongegar and took the marijuana leaves from him, holding them in his squishy tentacles, pointing at them. "Spongegat, manger booo cacate papa!" Spongegar merely chomped the leaves off of the tentacle, biting Squog and making him scream. "GAAAAHH!"

"Yummar!"

"…Pangar?"

LE FUN STARTS.

Squod had found some ancient clam turds. He hollowed out the tough material with a stick, and used the exterior to create paper – rolling paper, NAGA-NAGA-NOOCH! He would use their already discovered firestarting powers to light the joint, with crunched bits of grass inserted, of course, to smoke it. Patar stretched his lower lip and them shoveled the weed and some mushrooms onto the blue-colored interior lip, pulling it back and eating it all! Spongegar tried to snort the grinded up grass into his nose.

"Oooh!" he cooed.

Some red and white shrooms had gotten to Squag, who was going nuts, screaming his head off and shit, "WAHWAHWAHWAHAWHAH!"

The giant, ancient Gary the snail had just chomped on a huge shroom. Spongegar's pet's eyes went wide as Squog went wild in front of him. Then, Ancient Gary's eyes fell right on top of the squid!

"OOF!" he yelled.

Patar and Spongegar were also going wild, feeling itchy and having warped perceptions and they bashed the ground with their hands, fanged mouths engulfing mushrooms and screaming muffled cries.

"OOOHHOOOHHHOOHHH!" they yelled.

As Spongegar grabbed a lavender-colored coral reef, for eventual use as a bong, while Patar closed his mouth, shaped like that of a monkey's, puckered out with all kinds of drugs inside.

He grinned slowly, pupils shrunk as joint leaves and shrooms poked from his sharp, almost yellow teeth and frothing pink gums, with bad breath and ropes of saliva dropping down.

"RRREEEEE!!" he went.

--

Spongebob and Patrick woke up, with Gary, the next morning, woozy but alright. A certain sausage shaped figure, with stubby arms and legs, had made his presence here. He was almost Patrick's height, and made of bubbles. One of Spongebob's creations, he was – Bubble Buddy.

"Spongebob! How ya doin'?" he said in a strong, friendly tone. "It's morning already."

Spongebob stood up, mouth curved into a crescent moon-shaped smile, eyelids a bit fallen as Patrick stood still, eyes wide, mouth wide, but closed, his tongue hanging out, otherwise still.

"Bubble Budd-EH!" Spongebob said, pointing. "I must've been STONED."

"Guys, I have tickets to the big concert tonight from sellin rocks!"

"WORD." Spongebob and the others left – however, he returned to place a lit joint between the green couch's ridges. "Let me just leave a blunt for the couch while we're off! I'm ready, I'm ready!"

On the TV, Russell Crowe's show was still going as he beat the crap out of the Peanuts. The piano kid had his head banged on the piano as Snoopy and the others were laid out. Charlie Brown himself was punted into the air!

"AAUGH!"

"Sod off, ya whores! Bloimy!"

Spongebob and Patrick had bags and bags of weed and other shit under their arms as they ran the way to the concert, ecstatic in more ways than one. ;)

They sang, "ROCKING CONCERT, here we come! Lalalala LAAAWHH! D is for Drugs, we do em all the time! R is for rolling blunts! U is for 'Uhhh' cuz that's all we say! G is for good stuff and S is for shrooms, YAAAY!"

Patrick was soon spotted riding a bicycle, Bubble Buddy and the bag on the carriage at the bicycle's back, Spongebob tied to a battened down kite as he smoked a blunt, flying. The group passed a young fish couple.

"I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready!"

"Who are those guys?" asked the male fish.

"…Just some potheads," answered the girlfriend, shaking her head.

The group had the munchies, and stopped at the Krusty Krab, eating at some outside tables. Spongebob had the day off, but Squidward did not. He saw Bubble Buddy and, despite scowling at the other two for their antics, placed his hands on him and observed his blurry, rippling reflection.

"Hey, what's this? Bubble Buddy? Gonna eat some soap, huh?"

Suddenly, a HUGE seabear, a green fish with a bear's head, came flying from out of the blue to nab Squidward in its huge teeth and maul him!

"RUUUHHHH!" it yelled.

"WAAAAHHAAAAGGH, NOOO! WAAAHH!" yelled Squidward.

"Peace!" said Bubble Buddy.

Not long after that, the group was traveling in the Krabby Pattymobile, with Spongebob at the wheel.

"Huhuhuh, we forgot that we could get there faster by driving!" said Patrick.

"Da-a-a-a-ah, I can't even drive straight!"

--

It was not long before the group had made it to the concert. Scores of fish, now hooked on chronic, were shoulder to shoulder and getting pretty shitfaced. Spongebob had brought his Piranha Plant Bong, while Patrick was dancing with a joint in his mouth, the entire crowd screaming and starting fights here and there. The police force could do nothing now, or at least very little, because deep down inside, they were a bunch of wussies.

"Sweet, huh?" questioned Bubble Buddy.

"I'm already on an acid trip!" laughed Patrick.

"ATTENTION FANS OF THE BONG," yelled a voice. "HERE THEY ARE – THE WEED DUO!!"

A catchy beat began – on stage, a humanoid dandelion with a thin stem for a body, roots for legs, and leaves for hands, and sunglasses on his flowery, otherwise faceless head, was with a large blunt leaf with a face on the middle leaf. Behind them, the guitarists and drummers consisted of a bunch of real-life action fish.

"When weeds collide," said the dandelion as the crowd went wild, some beating the shit out of each other extra hard as the unanimous cheer rose. "You can run--"

"BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!" said the joint leaf.

"When weeds collide

You'll laugh so hard

You swear you died,

When weeds collide.

Hold my leaf, I'll be your guide,

When weeds collide.

Lightit-light- light it up for the sweetest ride

And prepare to have your mind blown wide!

When weeds collide, when

WHAPWHAPWHAPwep – weeds collide."

"Yo, check it.

When weeds collide, it's a curious thing!

Bet you never heard a dandelion and a joint leaf sing!

His seeds are blown 'round by kids who consider it art.

How is that different from getting smoked by stoners who FART?"

By now, people were stomping on each other in the crowd, screaming, throwing eggs, toilet paper, and other shit, as well as real shit, and starting fires and breaking everything in sight, as clouds of marijuana flew upwards, one fish screaming as a piano's keys were rubbed at once.

"AAAAHHHH SHIIIIT!!! MY EYES, MY EYES!"

"I might destroy your garden."

"I destroy brain cells en masse."

"We're both called weeds, I grow in it, he's called grass!"

The weed man tossed a sombrero into the crowd, causing another fight over it.

"He was grown in the states and I got shipped over the border!

So for this rave, you must HOLLAH!"

As a disco light and stoned jellyfish that were licked for electric highs were flying around, one stout, brown-tan fish raised his hands in the air and BARFED, shooting a wall of puke into the air, all over Steveo from Wildboyz who also PUKED, causing a chain reaction of vomit.

"Oh shit dude. Yeah dude!" said Steve-o.

Mr. Krabs scuttled into the area.

"Spongebob! There ye are – yer break is ov-WHOAOW!"

"HI MR. KRABS!" yelled Spongebob and Patrick as they jumped him.

"He can help make wine,

And I can get you high.

We both can be used for medical reasons, by and by!

So it's time for you to realize-

Don't cut him down and leave me LEGALIZED!"

"You – you – you can run."

"BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE!"

The two posed in front of the crowd to end the song. "Wh-when weeds collide."

The crowd cheered, tossing Mr. Krabs and Steve-O around as Bubble Buddy suddenly grew alarmed – he passed two newspapers to his pals.

"Oh no, you guys, I just heard news that monsters are attacking Bikini Bottom!"

"WHOA," said Patrick as he read his newspaper upside down. "Uh, what?"

It wasn't long before the monsters attacked the arena as well! The town was being wrecked, everything destroyed, as three big monsters attacked, explosions and falling buildings everywhere.

Two of them were gigantic, robotic versions of Sandy and Patrick. The other was a hybrid creature. It's body was green, but shaped a bit like that of a carnivorous dinosaur, with a stubbier tail and blue spines shaped like knives breaking out from the dorsal area. The neck held a huge head, a Piranha Plant's head, albeit longer, with green lips and black skin that had orange spots of varying size. The mouth was red, with a blue tongue and sharp teeth, while the hands on the creature's arms were made of huge leaves. The leaves that greaw from the back of the head were enormous marijuana leaves! It was, in essence, a Spinosaurus-Petey Piranha-marijuana hybrid, known as Weedlersaurus.

"Oh mY gOd!111" yelled a fish, one of many in a crowd fleeing from the flaming ruins of Bikini Bottom's central area.

"AAAH MONSTERS!" screamed another one as others cried bloody murder.

"Hey, those are robot versions of you and Sandy!" said Spongebob.

"So?" answered Patrick.

"They're destroying the town!"

"So?"

"Plus there's another monster with weed on its head!"

"…Let's. Get. That. Weed."

The two headed into town, dressed with white sheets over themselves. The monsters stared down at them, stopping in their attacks. Robo-Sandy tilted its head, while Robo-Patrick was slurping down green, radioactive fluids. The Weedlersaurus AKA Weedy Piranha AKA Weedler was chewing on a building.

"Uhhh," they dawdled in unison, "Oooooohhh! We're ghooooosts! We're scarryyy!" The beasts stared. Then, the two comparatively tiny creatures took off. "AAAAAAAHH!!"

Then, the beasts strolled after them.

"YAA!" a female voice cried as a flying kick from a certain squirrel met the helmet of the multi-story (let's just say that Spongebob and the others are about half human sized and that they got small for a while after the Shrink effect of Mermaid Man's belt from that one episode) robot Sandy. It was from the REAL Sandy.

"Don't worry, we'll help, Spongebob – no one clones ME, y'all!"

Back-up appeared in the form of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, and the fight began! Robo-Sandy attacked with karate attacks until Patrick and Sandy countered and jumped on the robot, dodging each attacks until they jumped on it enough times to force the head off! Patrick grabbed the head and ran off with it, the body chasing after him, arms outstretched.

He rolled the head at the Patrick robot as it threw up sludge at everyone and spun around, knocking it over and sending into the Weedlersaurus, who roared and went nuts. Larry the Lobster appeared to fight it, but he was swung around as the grabbed the head. His weight lifting buddies also attacked. Then, the Patrick Robot fired freezing breath at everyone it could as the Weedlersaurus knocked Larry and co aside and ran after them, feet smashing the ground.

"Spongeball!" yelled Spongebob as he rolled up and launched himself at the bent-over Robo-Patrick, hitting the butt of the beast and knocking him over!

Then, the Weedlersaurus breathed purple bong fumes at Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, making them cough.

"COUGHCOUGH The…chronic!" wheezed Barnacle Boy as he stumbled around.

"CHRONIIIC!" yelled Mermaid Man.

The Sandy-robot karate chopped its enemies and then retrieved its head, putting it back on. That was when Spongebob, after rolling into Robo-Patrick and Weedlersaurus, who was breathing a hot liquid, a fiery colored fluid, at him, stood up and spoke to them.

"Hey! You're all monsters, right?" His high was wearing off. "Monsters are tough, right? So, like, all of you should fight to see who's the toughest!"

The trio of beasts thought… then, Robo-Sandy hit Weedlersaurus, who snarled at her before Robo-Patrick slapped both. Weedler slapped his robotic comrades. Robo-Sandy slapped Robo-Patrick and Weedlersaurus. Then, they all JUMPED at each other and began to beat each other senselessly! It was every monster for itself! BAMBAMBAMSOCKPOWRoARSHRIEKBLAOW!

"Yall. Howdy. Fightin'," said Robo-Sandy.

"Reeeee!! ROOAAHH!" yelled the Weedlersaurus.

SCREE!

In came a laser. It struck the beasts, and stunned the living shit out of them right there! Once the green lights faded, they were completely knocked OUT. A skinny, tall-headed, yellow-skinned scientist with golden brown hair, a white lab coat, and a blue neck bow, appeared, with Snoop Dogg at his side. His name was –

"Professor John Frink!" exclaimed Sandy, referring to the one from The Simpsons. "What are you doin' round here?"

"Well, I'm here thanks to technology that allows me to thrive underwater! And transportation devices, mm-HAYVENNNN. As you know, the robot monsters are creations of the vile enemy of yours – Plankton. But the other monster was one of MY creations… made from the cells of a joint leaf, a beast known as Petey Piranha, and the rare frozen flesh of a Spinosauruuuss… Uh, I was creating it for good purposes, but someone messed with the programming and it turned loose causing massive amounts of mayhem and destruction, and before long, I was up to here in payment biillllsss…"

"All these monsters," said Snoop, "Were release-izzled thanks to the Big Dealer, a creature no one knows much about. In the step ladder of intergalactic drug-sellin' thugs, he's a boss, and he feels like all the dope belongs to him. Someone needs to make him realize that no one controls the drug flow – dat shit's a network, like da Internizzle. Word on the hood is that he's somewhere around here."

Frink continued, "He has already sent a perpetual cloud of poisonous fumes that make this place so STRAAANGE mm-hoyven."

"We can find him for you!" proclaimed Spongebob.

--

So, the journey to find the Big Dealer went on. Spongebob and Patrick were on the lookout for big and powerful creatures in Bikini Bottom.

The first candidate was a huge, purple jellyfish with dark purple spots, and a red, velvety robe with a white fir at the bottom, usually wearing a crown. This time, he was wearing a shower cap and was taking a shower, brushing himself with an enormous brush. The creature was the King Jellyfish.

"King Jellyfish!" the tiny Spongebob yelled to it. "Sorry to interrupt, but have you sold any…drugs lately?"

"Like Illy-Jelly?" bellowed Patrick.

"BZZZZ-BZZBZZ, BZZM, BIZZZ…" answered King Jellyfish, shaking himself to say no.

"Hold on, it's like you're speaking French or something!" called Spongebob.

Spongebob and Patrick got high again as they made their way to the dark, sunken ship-laden zone known as The Flying Dutchman's area. It belonged to a certain eponymous, human-shaped, green ghost pirate.

"Are you a drug-dealer guy?" asked Patrick as he and Spongebob faced the other way.

"Y'har, haven't been sellin' me dope fer YEARS and – HEY! I be THIS way, for cryin' out loud!"

"Patrick, the secret stash has to be around here!" yelled Spongebob as he and Patrick began to demolish the ship as they searched.

"LEELEEELEELEELEE!" yelled Patrick.

"Yaaahr," sighed the Flying Dutchman as he held his head up with one hand, slung over the side of his ship.

Spongebob's next candidate was a pink fish, a rough body-builder who was so huge that his muscles made him round. He had mean eyes, a skull tattoo on his right arm/fin, very small legs in black pants, and teeth and spines on his back that were shaped like cones.

"Hey, uh…are you the big drdrdrug dealer?" asked Spongebob timidly. "Uh… whh…"

That got them nowhere fast. Their next stop was the mighty Poseidome, a boxing-shaped arena with the giant, red-bearded mermaid who ruled the sea and looked like Arial's dad from The Little Mermaid before Disney sued and they had to change him into the monstrosity from The Spongebob Movie.

"Mighty Neptune," said Spongebob. "We have heard that a powerful drug dealer is around – might you be him?"

"WEH-HAHAHA! Haa, no. But try to keep your friend from urinating in my arena."

"Uuuuhhhh," said Patrick as he did just that.

Later, Spongebob tracked down the villains the Dirty Bubble, a huge, brown bubble with the voice of an eccentric game show host and a crooked smile, and Manray, a creature in a red and blue suit with goggles for eyes, a vent for a mouth, and ray's cephalic lobes on the top of the head.

"Vile fiends, Dirty Bubble and Manray," said Spongebob, "might you be the biggest drug dealers?"

"Drugs?" piped Dirty Bubble. "No-hoho WAAAY."

"Not that it's a bad idea," thought Manray. "Hmmm…"

Then, Spongebob and Patrick found – the head painting!

"How would I be dealin'?" he quibbled. "I be just a paintin' of a head! I got no hands, Lad!"

"…Don't look at me, RAAHH!" pleaded the parrot, whom otherwise never spoke a word.

Spongebob and Patrick found themselves within a dark, gloomy area deep down in the bowels of the sea. There, many weird, fierce, and ominous eyes stared at them. The eyes belonged to all sorts of huge sea creatures, and dozens of eyes could belong to a single creature. Some of them bore fierce, huge fangs.

"Hay, any of you guys drug dealers?" wondered Spongebob. The place had grown eerily silent. "…Well?"

They returned to Frink empty-handed.

"SOMEONE has got the be the big dealer!" proclaimed Spongebob.

"Oh, no!" said Frink as he head an explosion. "Something is attacking the concert stadium with the panic and the screaming and the OOOHH Nooooo…"

"Let's go get him, Pat!"

Patrick, at the time, was grinning stupidly, a joint, shroom, pipe, illy joint, and cigar sticking out from between his teeth.

--

Before long, Spongebob and the others reached the stadium. Fish ran out as crashes and a familiar, albeit robotic laughter echoed in its maniacal tone. Patrick licked a bubble laced with some weird shit.

"MY LEGS!" yelled an off-screen attackee.

"Hey, you guys," warned Bubble Buddy, "Hold off on the hallucinogens! We need to be focused to stop this guy!"

"He's RIGHT!" bellowed Patrick as he tossed the bubble, hitting a certain fish in the eyes.

"MY EYES! MY EEEYEES!!"

The group made their way inside.

There, the adversary was a humongous robot Spongebob. Its plated armor mimicked Spongebob's face very well, but instead of having stick-like feet with shoes, it had a turbo system that allowed it to float. It had multiple green spots on its body, hands, and nose that regulated its power, as well as red karate gloves and headgear. The boss from Spongebob: Battle for Bikini Bottom.

"It's a giant, evil robot Sponge-kid!" announced the skinny Barnacle Boy.

"Wuh, wuh, evil? EEEEVIIILLL!" cried Mermaid Man.

The fight was on! Spongebob, Patrick, and Sandy dodged several swings of those karate-chopping hands, and then jumped onto the robot's body, attacking it relentlessly!

"AHUHUHUHUHUH!" guffawed Patrick as he bashed the beast with an achor.

"HI-YAH!" yelled Sandy as she kicked it.

"Get the green spots!" commanded Spongebob. "That's how I defeated it last time."

"WAAAAAAHH," yelled the robot as it fired giant letters that spelled 'KA RA TE' at Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy.

The old superheroes were struck and knocked backwards, yelling "WHOAHOHAHOO!"

The creature tried to smack the others off of it as they started to crack the nine green lights. It wildly chopped at anything that wasn't on top of it. Spongebob was knocked back, and fired all sorts of bubble attacks at the monster. Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy did the same.

"I don't get it, how do water bubbles even work underwater?" wondered Sandy.

"They're made of boiling water, just like the BOILS on my head," admitted Barnacle Boy.

The two attacked up close by swimming around the beast to conjure the Raging Whirlpool, causing energy flashes to strike; however, they were smacked away.

"To the chiropractor, awaaaay!" exclaimed Mermaid Man.

Patrick suddenly went on a roid rage, his muscles bulging outward until he grew to enormous muscular size! As Spongebob avoided a sweeping karate chop, and Sandy continued to attack, Patrick began to beat down on the machine, which egan to roll around as he attacked, going nuts!

"BIG PATRICK ATTACK!" he yelled, taking on this form from the 'Fry Cook Games' episode.

Sandy also lassoed the mighty beast and then tried to yank it down. Eventually, however, it fought back, spinning and smacking away all competition – save Spongebob. A few of the lights were broken.

"Face it, Sponge-dope," cackled the same voice as the one behind the maniacal laughter. "It's hopeless! HAHAHAHAHA!"

"PlPlankton! Is that you? We'll keep fighting you, you, youuuu--"

"Don't forget the clown! HuhuhahaHA!" cackled a crusty, rough voice.

Inside, it turned out that both Plankton and the killer Krusty Doll had reunited and escaped from jail and were operating this robot!

"You see," Plankton began, "We made up after last time and I got out of jail. I decided to rebuild both the ruins of the big robots I sent to Bikini Bottom that you SMASHED, and the remains of a creature known only as The Dealer, and combined them with the Spongebob robot! It was a monster, an alien monster that some pink guy named Kirby defeated" (A/N: I'll post that fic soon in the Kirby section…bwahahaha!)

Plantkon had the blueprints that were made up of the parts of what seemed to be a huge turkey with a beer can for a body.

"You're gonna be as dead as Walt Disney!" claimed Krusty Doll, pointing with a wicked smile. "AND Don Knots! AND Anna Nichole Smith! AND Steve Irwin! AND that guy from Everybody Loves Raymond! AND the Grandpa Munster guy! AND Saddam Hussein! AND James Brown! AND President Ford! AND the Kramer guy's CAREER!"

"Wow, you're even more messed up than me, sometimes," spewed Plankton.

The Robo-Spongebob garnered a pink aura that looked as wicked as any fire could. As it flared, electricity erupted and it…began to change. The robot's skin began to take on a dark red coloring as the karate equipment was removed. Hands shaped like turkey feet and a demonic tale with turkey tail feathers at the end grew as the eyes and smile grew scheming. Then, giant bat wings that started out red, but then darkened like dried blood, slowly grew outward. Devil horns appeared on the forehead as a satan pentagram appeared on the chest.

"Oh NO, it's…it's become…" stammered Frink…

"Spongebob AntiChrist!" yelled Spongebob as the monster attacked his friends, now being way too powerful for them.

"MWAHAHAHAHA!" laughed the demonic entity as the white of its eyes turned dark red with black veins and the irises turned slime green.

"It's hopeless!"

"No it's not, Man!" a high-pitched voice called. It belonged to Tyrone Biggums, the crackhead, flanked by Jay and Silent Bob in Bluntman and Chronic costumes with Bong Sabers! "Don't give up, Man, we on crack and we got yo back!"

"We're holding everything but heroin and your cock," said Jay. "Now let's get that tampon!"

"HSSSSSS!!" yelled Spongebob AntiChrist.

"SNOOPS TO DA DOOPS!" screamed Jay as he and Silent Bob attacked with Bong Sabers.

The others got up and began to fight the writhing demon as it attacked. Tyrone used the power of Red Balls to make powerful cocaine energy blasts, to aid them.

"It's crack in a can, Baby!"

As the powerful weapons lay into it, Spongebob AntiChrist tried to slash, burn, and tailswipe the opponents. But each time it got a few off, others continued to attack, diverting the beast's attention and allowing the others to come in for another round. Eventually, Tyrone tossed a syringe made of silver to Spongebob.

"What's this?"

"The Silver Steroids! Take 'em!"

Spongebob, already having done so many drugs recently, decided to oblidge.

HOLY SHIT! His body began to instantly ripple with muscle as he began to GROW, his arms getting wider and wider, meaner and ripped as his whole body SURGED with energy, the muscles condensing into almost normal arms ripping with energy. His face tensed up, eyes squinted, as he raised it and then screamed, looking as crazy as THIS -

"OOHLAAAAAAAHH!!" he yelled loudly.

"AW CRAP!" yelled the Krusty Doll, knowing they were screwed.

Spongebob put out his left fist and ran at the demon. He cocked it back as he leapt into the air, putting in as much energy as he could, and then flew –

WHHIIIIIIIRRR – BLAAAAMMM!!!

Glowing gold, energy streaking, he crashed into the chest, right on the pentagram, and then soared right out to the back, machine parts blasting outwards as the energy flew, and then came back to Spongebob Anti-Christ!

"NOOOO, HHSSSSSS, EW#ARF0d9yrfr9p76Sdsfr8af77r!!!"

KABLAAAMM!! The monster was blown to pieces in a titan of an explosion! Then, Plankton and the Krusty Doll fell from the 'sky', with machine parts, screaming like little girls.

"We did it!" said Sandy.

"What'd we do?" wondered Mermaid Man.

"Oh, my plans!" whined Plankton. "RUINED. This is YOUR fault, and you don't even look apologetic!"

"YOUR plans?! I came up with idea, PUTTZ!"

"Oh YEAH? Well, I'll destroy you!"

"You destroy me?! I'll destroy YOU!"

"I'll destroy you twice as hard!"

"I'll destroy you plus ONE!"

"I'll destroy you plus INFINITY!"

Soon, the two were handcuffed with max security and escorted to jail.

"Shut up, you stupid fish!"

"Who are you calling stupid? I went to college, Raggedy Ann! You big, dumb, worthless-"

"Oh yeah? I'll show YOU!"

"A-HAAH," laughed Jay as the others looked on.

"That's that, Dog," said Snoop Dogg.

"Pat, I think I've learned a lesson, a good one this time," admitted Spongebob. "Maybe we should stop doing drugs. They're just bad… they create things like… those monsters, or something."

"Oh…okay, very well then. Just let me finish hittin this joint!" said Patrick as he puffed a fatty.

--

And so, they would lay off the drugs, I guess.

But the mayhem wasn't over…

Patrick decided that it was cool to paint red all over PacMan's undersea abode while he still served pizza there. Needlessly said, PacMan cursed at him, red paint on his face, Patrick running with a bucket of it and a brush leaving a trail!

"WHAT YOU GOT AN IQ OF FUCKIN TWELVE OR SOMETHING?!" yelled PacMan.

"AHUHUHUHUH!" laughed a running Patrick.

--

Elsewhere, two evildoers were in jail, again.

"Maybe this day won't be mine," sighed Plankton. "Or the next. Or possibly even the next, or the next. Or the next, or the next. Or the NEXT, OR THE NEXT AFTER THAT. BUT THE ONE AFTER THE NEXT AFTER THE NEXT AFTER THE NEXT AFTER THAT, WELL THAT ONE AFTER THAT, RIGHT NEXT TO THAT ONE, THAT WILL BE MY DAY!"

"Put. A FRIKKIN SOCK IN IT!" yelled the Krusty Doll. "Oh-hoho, why didn't I pack earmuffs!"

--

Elsewhere ELSEWHERE… in DA HOOD, Manray and the Dirty Bubble were rapping at the Apollo. They decided to sell dope in da hood, and were making a profit.

Unfortunately, the lines at the end of a good rap song about global domination by them were:

"YO WASSAP MY NIGAAAAAS!?"

The crowd just stared. Some shocked. Many in mid-rap pose. Others shaking their heads, mouths almost agape.

"GET 'EM!" yelled one.

"WHOOP DEY ASS!" thundered another, as the chase was on!

"WE'LL SEE WHAT'S UP!"

"I TOLD you this was a stupid idea!" barked a fleeing Man Ray.

"RUU-HUHUHUHN!! OH GAAWWWDDD!" yelled the Dirty Bubble.

And so the rappers, thugs, homies, gangstas, bitches, and hos all chased them down the great streets of da hood.

END, BWWAAAAAAAAAHH!!


End file.
